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📖 New Kindle on the block: Amazon just dropped the Kindle Colorsoft ($250). It’s $30 less than the fancier Signature Edition with wireless charging, an auto-dimming light and more storage. Perfect if you only need the basics in crisp color. Pro tip: Trade in your old Kindle and save up to 20% off.

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How many emails Mark Cuban reads and replies to every single day. No assistant. No Slack. Just three phones and an email trail stretching back to the ’90s. Meetings? Pass. He’d rather crush his inbox than lose an hour to a “quick sync.” Bonus: Gmail’s auto-replies do 20% of the heavy lifting.

Texts from the sky: T-Mobile just launched T-Satellite, a Starlink-powered service that lets you text (and alert 911) when you’re somewhere too remote for regular bars. It costs $10/month, works with over 60 phones and covers most of the U.S. You’ll need clear skies and an eSIM-enabled device. It’s not fast, but neither are rescue helicopters.

The size of Kioxia’s new SSD. And it fits in one device. It’s made for AI and data center workloads where raw capacity beats flashy speed. Think: massive training datasets, not movie marathons. It sacrifices performance to keep signal integrity in check, but it’s perfect if your job is “store the internet.”

🐓 Suspicious poultry alert: A Reddit user asked ChatGPT how to get rid of a 160-pound dead chicken. GPT tried to stay helpful (“Call animal disposal”) but couldn’t ignore the details: “Are you sure this is a chicken?” It’s the latest in a trend of viral “cursed prompts” that test AI’s limits.

Blue screen, black soul: Remember the Windows blue screen of death? It just went goth. The QR code? Gone. The frowny face? Dead. Instead, you get a sleek black screen and a new Wi-Fi-powered quick machine recovery feature that can resuscitate your dead PC like digital CPR.

What Paramount+ is coughing up for the streaming rights to South Park. Trey Parker and Matt Stone just pulled off the media heist of the decade: five years, $300 million a year. And yes, it’s still a cartoon about poop jokes.

🕳️ Divine rug pull: A Denver pastor and his wife convinced their church to invest $3.4M into a holy crypto scheme allegedly blessed by God. Spoiler: God did not 10x those returns. Now they’re facing 40 felony charges, including racketeering and securities fraud, and the coin is worth about as much as one prayer in the blockchain void.