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That’s how far we thought standing apart would save us from germs. Turns out, not so much. New research says our beloved 6-foot safety bubble might just be hot air, literally. It seems the typical indoor temps of 72°F to 86°F create a perfect petri dish for those pesky particles to lurk around your face. 

Crypto in your 401(k) now: Trump just signed an executive order letting your 401(k) party with crypto, private equity and other high-risk “alternative” investments (paywall link), finally dragging retirement savings into the 21st century. The SEC, Labor Department and Treasury now have marching orders to un-gatekeep alt-assets. That’s $9 trillion of nest eggs now potentially YOLOing into Bitcoin.

Private chats, public fight: Remember that NYT suing OpenAI story? Now, The New York Times wants to dig through 120 million ChatGPT logs to try to prove OpenAI’s chatbot is a copyright-violating machine. OpenAI’s like, “How about 20 mil?” NYT said nope. Now the court may decide if your “deleted” chats become exhibit A.

🧨 Inside job: Security researchers tricked Google’s Gemini into turning on smart home devices using a Google Calendar invite. When Gemini was asked to “summarize the week,” it unknowingly ran booby-trapped prompts that lit up devices in Tel Aviv. It’s the first known AI attack with physical consequences. 

What OpenAI is charging the U.S. government to use its special ChatGPT Enterprise plan. Why? To cozy up to lawmakers and help the government work faster with AI. Oh, and Uncle Sam’s been generous, too. Back in June, OpenAI landed a defense contract worth up to $200 million. Pretty sweet trade.

⚰️ Robot mourning: Funeral homes are turning to AI to write obituaries, automating grief one prompt at a time. Tools like CelebrateAlly and ChatGPT are now ghostwriters for the literal dead. It’s convenient, weird and makes dying feel like a content strategy. One user called his AI-written tribute a “banger.” A real quote. From a real person. About his father.

⚡ What it feels like to chew 5 Gum: It’s official, GPT-5 is rolling out in four distinct versions and can help write apps, redesign front ends, summarize your inbox, explain medical symptoms, and it somehow even feels more human. Early takes say it’s better at logic, memory and sounding like a person who pays taxes. 

How far one 1985 Toyota Tercel has driven in the past 40 years. The car’s still in mint condition, and if you don’t believe owner Andy, he’s got a photo of the odometer rolling over at 999,999 (it only goes up to six digits). His secret? Regular oil changes. (That’s about 745,000 miles if you’re like me and never got the metric system.)

⚡ Watt the heck? Electricity prices rose 6.5% nationwide so far this year, and in some states, like Maine, they’re up a whopping 36%. Major culprit? Data centers. Their sky-high energy demands (thanks, AI) are hiking rates and triggering billion-dollar grid upgrades that we get to fund. Ohm my gosh!