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🌷 Full circle moment: How about good news? A shy kindergartner promised her teacher she’d say hello again after high school. Twenty years, two degrees and two kids later, Calyssa found that teacher, thanks to a single TikTok photo. Turns out, both were student moms from UC Davis and had the same grit. Sometimes the internet actually delivers a happy ending.

New chip, same price: In the market for a new laptop or set of VR goggles? Apple dropped new MacBook Pros, iPad Pros and Vision Pros, all running on the turbocharged M5 chip. Basically, they’re four times faster and way smarter, especially with AI stuff, and as expensive as last year, starting at $1,599, $999 and $3,499. You can preorder now, and they start shipping Oct. 22.

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FDA chokes out Dechoker: A Colorado couple made $8.2 million selling “Dechoker,” a plunger-for-humans they claimed was FDA-approved. Spoiler: It wasn’t. The FDA told them to stop in 2023, but they kept selling on Amazon anyway. Now the feds have seized their cash. The Dechoker didn’t even clear airways, just mangled tongues, and it was more of a Tom and Jerry prop than lifesaving device. If you have one, throw it away.

🏗️ North Korea’s new side hustle: North Korean operatives aren’t just scamming crypto, they’ve graduated to architecture. Researchers found fake résumés, stolen seals and CAD files for U.S. homes and businesses. Scammers made plans for restaurants, pools and homes, then sent the cash straight back to Kim Jong Un’s nuclear fund. Now that’s one HGTV episode I’d love to see. 

Space leak: Researchers from UC San Diego and Maryland snagged T-Mobile calls, texts and even military comms, all from unencrypted satellites. Literally anyone with $800 and a rooftop dish could’ve done it. Companies assumed “no one would look up.” Which, frankly, explains a lot about our cybersecurity situation. Somewhere, aliens are listening to your spam texts.

🔫 Home invasion, Apple edition: This is scary. A Florida couple got ambushed in their garage at gunpoint after suspects taped an AirTag under their car to track them. Two men have been arrested, facing charges from armed burglary to kidnapping. So yeah, maybe check your car before your next Target run.

🏕️ From campfires to code fires: Scouting America (yep, the rebranded Boy Scouts) launched AI and cybersecurity badges. Scouts learn about deepfakes, algorithmic bias and how to train (not just talk to) chatbots. The cybersecurity badge teaches password safety, phishing defense and digital citizenship. Forget tying knots. “Be prepared” now means knowing how to spot fake news and fake faces.

🩻 Ransomware meets radiology: Hackers hit one of the largest U.S. radiology chains, SimonMed Imaging, exposing data from 1.2 million patients. The Medusa ransomware gang claims it stole 212 GB, including scans, IDs and payment info. SimonMed says no fraud yet, which feels about as comforting as “it’s just a sprain” before you see the X-ray bill.