Vacuums gone rogue

Remember when robot vacuums were basically remote-control bumper cars with anxiety? They’d bounce around, get stuck under the couch and scare the cat. These days, they claim to do it all – vacuum, mop, empty themselves and learn your floor plan better than your dog has.

Here’s the thing no one wants you to know: Most of them still have quirks. The one that works great in your friend’s apartment might flail in your pet-hair-filled, two-story home with rugs and stairs.

Let’s break it down, so you don’t waste money on a cute little robot that ends up just sitting in the corner.

🐾 Got pets?

Pet hair gets everywhere, and the last thing you want is to clean the cleaner. Look for strong suction and a brush that doesn’t tangle every time it sees a tumbleweed of fur. 

The roborock Q7 M5+ and Shark AI Ultra are great picks. Dyson’s robot vac looks cool, but it misses corners and has a hard time with thick fur. Pretty but not practical.

🏠 Hardwood or tile floor?

You don’t need turbo suction here, but navigation is key. The eufy C10 is affordable, quiet and doesn’t ram into your baseboards. Roomba’s 105 combo is also solid but isn’t as good at avoiding obstacles. 

The best part? They both mop while they vacuum. Great for spills, paw prints and everyday grime. I’ll never forget my mom saying about her Roomba in that Brooklyn accent, “Watch out, Rosie’s workin’ for a livin’!”

🥿 Lots of rugs or thick carpet?

This is where cheaper vacs usually give up. The roborock S8 MaxV auto-adjusts suction and actually lifts dirt out of rugs. 

Roomba Max 705 can manage medium pile, but thick shag? Forget it. Eufy? Often skips the rug edges altogether.

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China built a pregnancy robot

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A $14K baby-making machine? Yep, it’s real. Charles in Atlanta calls in to see if AI can help his band land more gigs. Plus: an $800K gold scam, a Bluetooth hack you need to know, and Amazon’s used car lot.

📞 What’s your emergency? America’s 911 centers are so short-staffed they’re outsourcing some calls to a robot. A startup named Aurelian (because of course) raised $14M to let AI handle non-emergencies like parking rage and stolen fanny packs. It’s live in over a dozen cities and counting.

79%

That’s how much traffic a top-ranked site can lose when it’s bumped below an AI summary. New AI Overviews are less “helpful assistant” and more “content pickpocket.” Why click a link when the robot already did the reading for you? At this point, calling it “search” is generous; it’s more like passive-aggressive copy/paste.

📄 Simplify legal docs with AI: Got a lease or contract you don’t understand? Paste it into ChatGPT and ask for a plain-English breakdown. You can also ask what specific sections mean or how they might affect you. If it’s serious business, call a lawyer, not a robot.

Data grab alert: Anthropic just changed its privacy policy … again. You have until Sept. 28 to opt out if you don’t want your convos used to train AI. Otherwise? Your chats get stored for five years and turned into robot brain food. The toggle to opt out is tiny, buried under an “Accept” button. Sneaky.

🤖 Bot time Grandma got company: South Korea gave 12,000 lonely older adults AI “grandchildren” that talk, glow and remind them to take their meds. The dolls run on ChatGPT and deep cultural guilt. And yes, they’re coming to the U.S. by 2026 for a slice of the global $7.7B (by 2030) eldercare robot market. 

🗣️ AI’s new favorite party trick? Stealing your TikTok rants, word-for-um-filled-word, and deepfaking them with a totally different face and voice. A wild “incinerator at Alligator Alcatraz” video hit 20M views, copied from a real person, made by a robot. And TikTok barely flinched. Next up: a deepfake of you reacting to this deepfake.

⚰️ Robot mourning: Funeral homes are turning to AI to write obituaries, automating grief one prompt at a time. Tools like CelebrateAlly and ChatGPT are now ghostwriters for the literal dead. It’s convenient, weird and makes dying feel like a content strategy. One user called his AI-written tribute a “banger.” A real quote. From a real person. About his father.

Teen taxi takeover: Waymo just dropped a self-driving car service (paywall link) for teens in Phoenix, with plans to expand. Kids ages 14 to 17 can summon robot cars to school, soccer or wherever else, no license needed. Parents are jazzed. “So like my dad’s Waymo can pick us up at 6 if your mom’s Waymo can drop us off at 10.” 

Robot slurs are here: People are officially calling AIs “clankers,” and somehow it stings. The term, lifted from Star Wars clone trooper banter, is being used to mock chatbots, robo-voices and overly excited AI techies. Other contenders: “prompstitute,” “bot-licker” and “clanker wanker.” Three guesses which one will end up on a protest sign first.

🤖 Who’s the bot now? ChatGPT’s new agent tool snooped its way through a human verification test by clicking the “I am not a robot” checkbox. Yes, it passed a bot test as a bot. Even narrated the click like it was writing its memoir. Somewhere, a human is failing the same CAPTCHA and crying into their LaCroix.

Uber’s luxury clone army: It’s throwing hundreds of millions at Lucid and Nuro to deploy 20,000 self-driving Gravity SUVs by 2030. Lucid builds the luxe EVs, Nuro wires the robot brains, and Uber handles the rides. It’s their biggest AV deal ever. Roll out is in 2026, city TBD. 

17 

How many tasks a robot nailed, solo, during a gallbladder surgery. Johns Hopkins’ new AI-powered bot followed instructions, learned from voice commands, adapted mid-op and even corrected itself like a good surgical intern. Only it never gets tired, flustered, needs snacks or even requests a student loan deferment. 

🧪 GPT-5 is coming: OpenAI says it’s done juggling 5 billion models. GPT-5 will unite its smartest (the “O” series) with its most extra (GPT-4o) into one huge robot brain. Expect it within a month, with sharper reasoning, more senses and fewer tabs making your laptop beg for mercy.

5 to 3

That’s the final score in a soccer match where no one broke a sweat, or had a pulse. Tsinghua’s robot squad took the W against China Agricultural University in the world’s first all-autonomous 3v3 match. Strategy, teamwork, AI, basically FIFA meets I, Robot. Coming soon: an algorithm for yellow cards. 

 🍳 AI hits Applebee’s: This is flipping great! IHOP and Applebee’s are rolling out AI for everything from upselling pancakes to spotting dirty tables. The idea? Less drama, more sales. Soon, a robot won’t forget your preferred side of ranch dressing and spin an iPad with a 25% recommended tip.

🚨 Fake CAPTCHAs: You know those little tests that ask you to prove you’re not a robot? Scammers are planting fake ones on sketchy sites (like free movie pages) that ask you to press keys or download software. Some even redirect you to a browser extension or tell you to run a command. Plot twist: It’s malware.

Walt Disney lives again? Kinda. He’s being turned into a lifelike robot for Disney parks, so guests can see what it might’ve been like to meet him. It’ll look like him at age 62 and use real lines from his speeches. The twist? His granddaughter says he would never want this