Gold’s soaring toward $5,000 an ounce while crypto takes another hit. Here’s what to know.
The great Bitcoin dumpster fire
Bing
Picture this: It’s 2013. A guy named James Howells from Newport, Wales, is cleaning up his office and accidentally throws out an old hard drive. No big deal, right?
Wrong.
Stored on that hard drive were the digital keys to 8,000 Bitcoins. Back then, Bitcoin was worth around $130 each, a solid chunk of change. But today? One Bitcoin is worth about $122,000, which means James accidentally trashed almost $1 billion. With a “B.”
🗑️ It all went to waste
James’ Bitcoin passkey is buried somewhere under 110,000 tons of garbage in the city dump. For more than a decade, he’s begged officials to let him search.
He offered to foot the entire bill, buy the landfill, use high-tech, robot-assisted excavation tools and split the recovered Bitcoin with the city. He even lined up investors and engineers. But the city said no. Again and again. Too messy, too expensive, too risky.
So now, he’s doing something completely wild.
🪙 Trying to create interest
James just launched a new cryptocurrency called Ceiniog Coin (that’s “penny” in Welsh).
Here’s how it works: The 8,000 Bitcoins James lost are still technically tied to his crypto wallet. They’re frozen in time. No one can access them without the key on that hard drive.
So James is offering Ceiniog as a kind of tribute meme coin, tied to the legend of the missing landfill billion. Buyers of the coin are essentially investing in his story.
🦄 Dump and dumpster
🌀 Yeezy rug pull: Kanye launched the YZY crypto coin on X, watched it rocket to $3B, then collapse in three hours flat. Retail investors? Lost $20M. Eight “lucky” traders? Cashed out millions instantly. Ye once called coins a scam, and well, he’s not wrong. Delaware shell company? Check. Cult vibes? Check. History repeating? Absolutely.
$40 billion
That’s how much market value Do Kwon vaporized in his crypto collapse. He hyped TerraUSD as a stablecoin, then secretly used a trading firm to fake its stability. He could face up to 25 years, but the feds will settle for 12. That’s about one year for every $3.3 billion in lost value.
Three scams targeting Millennials
From fake job offers to AI crypto cons, the schemes are sneakier than ever. Here’s how to spot them before they drain your wallet.
$2.3 million
What it now takes to be considered “wealthy” in the U.S. That’s down from $2.5M last year. Still, unless you’ve got a trust fund or a crypto time machine, you’re probably just “comfortable.”
🕳️ Divine rug pull: A Denver pastor and his wife convinced their church to invest $3.4M into a holy crypto scheme allegedly blessed by God. Spoiler: God did not 10x those returns. Now they’re facing 40 felony charges, including racketeering and securities fraud, and the coin is worth about as much as one prayer in the blockchain void.
49%
Say they’d get into crypto … if someone just explained it better. Nearly half of non-crypto folks aren’t avoiding it out of fear, they don’t know how it works. That’s fixable. And it’s exactly why I’m launching a weekly crypto newsletter this August. No hype, no jargon and no pep rallies. Just straight-up brain upgrade level stuff. Click here to get on the list now.
The Genius Act
Are rules about to tame crypto’s wild west? Here’s what the new law means.
$118,000+
The price of Bitcoin’s new all-time high. The crown jewel of crypto just blasted past $118,000, fueled by a massive short squeeze, billions poured into spot ETFs, and pro‑crypto policy moves in Washington. It’s up over 110% from this time last year. Coming soon, my new once-a-week crypto newsletter to keep you in the know. Click here to sign up.
Is your crypto account real?
Crypto scammers promise fast cash. Only it’s not. Here’s how the con works.
Crypto tax panic: Crypto traders are freaking out after a huge spike in official letters from the IRS, some warnings, some with fines already baked in. Even people who’ve played by the rules say they’re getting flagged. If you’ve been diligently reporting your Fartcoin profits like a responsible adult, congrats: You’re now on the audit express.
Scammers faking celebs
Is your favorite celebrity sliding into your inbox with hot new crypto tips? Probably not.
🪙 Retail crypto grab: Walmart and Amazon are both reportedly exploring launching brand-backed crypto stablecoins. Insiders say it could let them ditch banks (and bank fees), process payments faster and soak up even more of your money. Finally, you can pay for eggs with Jeff Coins™.
$1.8 million
Shaq’s price tag for promoting a crypto collapse. Unlike Brady and Curry, Big Diesel stayed on the hook thanks to a wild goose chase to serve him legal papers. He pitched FTX as legit, then claimed he didn’t get crypto at all. Now he’s settling, no guilt admitted, but the check clears just the same.
562,000
That’s how many new millionaires popped up in the U.S. in 2024. It’s more than any other country. A lot of them are also stashing their money in things like crypto and private equity, which now make up 15% of their portfolios. BRB, pitching to Shark Tank.
Kidnapped for his Bitcoin
A New York crypto investor survived 25 days of torture by criminals after they tried to force him to hand over his crypto.
Crypto brain drain: Glen Fishman thought he was talking to legit Coinbase support. Turns out, it was a scammer who yoinked his password and stole his crypto fortune. FBI clawed back $95K (truly a miracle), but the rest? Poof. Fishman says he may have to delay retirement. Reminder: Never trust a dude whose support ticket opens with “Hey boss.”
JPMorgan flip-flops: CEO Jamie Dimon still hates crypto, but now JPMorgan’s letting clients buy it. You won’t get custody or a warm hug … just ETFs on your monthly statement. Think of it as cold, regulatory-compliant enthusiasm. He’s basically telling you, “Don’t vape, but if you must, do it through your investment account.”
$20 million
The bounty Coinbase is offering for tips leading to the capture of the crooks who tried to extort it. When cybercriminals demanded $20 million in Bitcoin to keep stolen customer data secret, Coinbase slapped a $20 million bounty on their heads instead. It’s like Catch Me If You Can but with way more crypto and way less Leonardo DiCaprio.