JPMorgan flip-flops

That’s how many satellites China wants in its new orbiting AI supercomputer. It’s called the “Three-Body Computing Constellation,” and they’ve already launched 12. Each satellite runs its own 8 billion parameter AI model and talks to the others at up to 100 Gbps (with lasers, obviously). The goal is basically turning space into one giant neural net.

That’s how long a Lufthansa flight cruised without a pilot. The copilot passed out mid-flight while flying solo, because the captain was on a bathroom break. Autopilot kept things chill, but it took five unanswered chimes, an emergency code and some serious heart rate spikes before the captain could break back in and take over.

The increased risk of hemorrhoids if you scroll on your phone while on the toilet. A new survey found that prolonged scrolling sessions on the porcelain throne might be more dangerous than you think. Maybe it’s time to swap the TikTok binge for, I don’t know, getting off the toilet. What’s it called when you get a hemorrhoid in space? An assteroid. (That was a good one!)

The increased odds of developing Parkinson’s if you live within 2 miles of a golf course. Why? Heavy pesticide use. Critics aren’t entirely convinced, calling the link “reductive.” It’s enough to make you think twice before dreaming of that house overlooking the 18th hole.

The price tag for Charter’s takeover of Cox Communications. This will create the largest U.S. cable and broadband provider, because clearly, what we need is fewer options and more bundling. 

People are still complaining about the Apple Vision Pro. At $3,500, you’d expect comfort, but many can’t wear it for more than 20 minutes without neck pain. It’s not just the hardware either. There are still barely any apps, and the resale value stinks. One guy got $1,900 (paywall link), and that’s considered a win.

What Meta’s offering people to record their smiles, small talk and movements. It’s part of Project Warhol, a push to build super-realistic digital avatars. One day, your 3D clone could pop into VR meetings or games. The catch? You’ve got to be 18+ and head to their Pittsburgh lab starting in September.

That’s how many times you breathe each day. Slower, more controlled breathing can help your heart, boost brain power and calm your anxiety (paywall link). Try the coherent technique: Inhale through your nose for six seconds, then exhale for six.