JPMorgan flip-flops: CEO Jamie Dimon still hates crypto, but now JPMorgan’s letting clients buy it. You won’t get custody or a warm hug … just ETFs on your monthly statement. Think of it as cold, regulatory-compliant enthusiasm. He’s basically telling you, “Don’t vape, but if you must, do it through your investment account.”
Hackers want you to make this mistake
ChatGPT
If you’re about to take a flight, pause for one hot second before you slide your phone into that shiny airport USB port. Both the FBI and FTC are waving red flags: Public charging stations can be straight-up hacker bait.
The scam has a name, juice jacking, and no, it’s not a new energy drink. That’s where hackers use those public USB ports to sneak malware onto your device. Once they’re in, they can lock you out, steal your passwords or worse.
And no, this isn’t some fringe theory. Here’s how to charge without turning your phone into a hacker buffet:
⚠️ Skip the sketchy USB ports
If it’s a USB port you don’t own, don’t trust it. Charging via a USB cable can transfer data, not just power. If there’s a regular wall outlet, use it with your own plug. Safer and faster.
✅ Go wireless when you can
Many newer public charging stations offer wireless pads, and they’re way safer. No data is exchanged, so malware can’t hitch a ride. It’s slower than wired charging, but worth the peace of mind.
🔌 Bring a charge-only cable
If USB is your only option, use a charge-only cable. These handy little cords ($10) only deliver power, no data transfer possible. They’re a must-pack for frequent travelers.
🚫 Never tap “Trust this device”
If that pop-up shows up on a sketchy plug like a clingy ex asking for a second chance? Slam “No,” or “Don’t allow,” or back away slowly.
You’re not here to fall in love with malware, you’re just trying to hit 35% battery.
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14 months
How long you’ll sit in prison for faking an ID and hijacking the SEC’s Twitter. Eric Council Jr. SIM swapped his way into the SEC’s X account with a bogus ID, dropped a fake Bitcoin ETF approval tweet and briefly spiked and tanked the Bitcoin price. The feds didn’t LOL. Now he’s got over a year to think about it.
👁️ New Orleans secret surveillance: For two years, police used facial recognition to track people in real time. They tapped into a private network of cameras to scan crowds for anyone on a wanted list and sent alerts to officers. The twist? It might not have been legal. The program’s now paused (paywall link).
🚨 Update Chrome ASAP: Google dropped an emergency patch to fix a flaw that could let hackers take over your accounts. Don’t wait. Go to Settings > About Chrome and make sure you’re up to date. Windows and Linux should be on version 136.0.7103.113. macOS should be on 136.0.7103.114.
2,899
That’s how many satellites China wants in its new orbiting AI supercomputer. It’s called the “Three-Body Computing Constellation,” and they’ve already launched 12. Each satellite runs its own 8 billion parameter AI model and talks to the others at up to 100 Gbps (with lasers, obviously). The goal is basically turning space into one giant neural net.
Take It Down Act: President Trump just signed a law making it a crime to post someone’s intimate images without their consent, even if they’re AI deepfakes. It’s serious stuff. You could face up to three years in prison, plus fines. Platforms have 48 hours to take down reported content and scrub any copies.
🔍 Google I/O announcements: I wasn’t overly impressed. Search is getting an AI Mode tab so you can use Gemini to browse the web. Why? Google Meet will add real-time speech translation. Finally. Gmail will dig through your inbox to suggest replies that sound more like you. Helpful, maybe. And for shopping? Upload a full-length photo and virtually try on outfits. And Google gets more data points on you to sell.
10 minutes
That’s how long a Lufthansa flight cruised without a pilot. The copilot passed out mid-flight while flying solo, because the captain was on a bathroom break. Autopilot kept things chill, but it took five unanswered chimes, an emergency code and some serious heart rate spikes before the captain could break back in and take over.
🚨 Deliverability: Noun. The likelihood that an email will successfully land in your inbox instead of being exiled to the deadly spam folder. I switched ESPs (email service providers), and I need your help. Reply, forward or rate the newsletter at the end, so Big Tech and your email provider know you want my free newsletter. This way, I’ll stick around like guac on a chip.
YouTube ads are getting tricky: They’re testing an AI tool called Peak Points that finds the precise moments when viewers are most engaged in a video. Then it drops ads right after. The goal? Help advertisers catch you when you’re paying attention and more likely to click. Kill it with fire.
⚡ Dodge ditches the Charger Daytona: The EV base model flopped so hard they sold less than 2,000 of ’em in the first few months of the year. But don’t worry, you can still pick up the Scat Pack version if you’ve got $73,985 lying around. Gas-powered Chargers are coming soon.
46%
The increased risk of hemorrhoids if you scroll on your phone while on the toilet. A new survey found that prolonged scrolling sessions on the porcelain throne might be more dangerous than you think. Maybe it’s time to swap the TikTok binge for, I don’t know, getting off the toilet. What’s it called when you get a hemorrhoid in space? An assteroid. (That was a good one!)
T-Mobile payout: Remember the 2021 data breach that exposed info from 76 million people? A class action lawsuit followed, and T-Mobile agreed to a $350 million settlement. Good news: Checks are going out this month. If you were part of the lawsuit, you could get back your losses or a flat payment of $25. Nothing says I’m sorry like a Chipotle bowl and a bottle of CVS wine.
🤖 Gemini gets beefy: At tomorrow’s Google I/O conference, I expect to see the next-gen Gemini Ultra and two heavier subscription tiers. Also coming: AI agents that browse the web for you (finally someone to blame for your weird search history), shelf-worthy Android tweaks and some spicy fake podcast upgrades. Also on deck: XR smart glasses collab with Samsung.
Meta’s scam spiral: Facebook and Instagram reportedly ran God only knows how many shady ads tied to scams from fake food giveaways to nonexistent golden retrievers. Internal docs say the company avoided cracking down to keep the $$$ flowing. JPMorgan says half of Zelle scam complaints lead straight back to Meta. Turns out “move fast and break things” meant “let’s break trust.”
🧬 Bankrupt 23andMe just got bought: Regeneron is scooping it up for $256 million. Who’s that? A biotech company big on cancer and disease research. So yep, they’ll now have access to all that juicy genetic data. They say they’ll honor current privacy rules. Sure.
😑 Feeling left behind? Download NetSuite’s free “CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning.” No matter what you do, you should know more about AI. It’s not going anywhere.