55 years old

🚨 50% off alert: My home security pick, SimpliSafe, is having a massive sale. Get all the gear to lock down your home. You’ll sleep better at night.

😱 A coworker poisoned her drink: Imagine feeling sick every time you sip something at your desk. That’s what happened to a woman in Wisconsin. She noticed a strong chemical smell and suspected someone was messing with her drinks, so she set up a hidden camera. Sure enough, she caught a dude at work spiking them with super glue! HR really needs a new category between “verbal warning” and “call the cops over an attempted poisoning.”

ChatGPT can make fake receipts: Yes, like real store or restaurant receipts. From scratch, the math might be off, but if you ask it to recreate an existing one first and tweak the prices of items, it works. What does OpenAI say? They’re not worried, since every image includes a “C2PA metadata” tag showing it was made by AI. Like that’s hard to remove.

Gmail’s getting more secure: Google’s making it way easier for businesses to send encrypted emails. Before, you had to deal with something called S/MIME, which was a pain to set up. Now? Just turn on the Additional encryption option when drafting an email. FYI: It only works within your company, so yes, your boss can finally encrypt that calendar invite you’ll ignore.

💸 There’s not an app for that: If you’re one of the 150 million who rely on Zelle, listen up. Their stand-alone app is gone and won’t process your payments. Head over to your bank’s app, and you’ll usually find Zelle under the payments tab. If you’re part of the 2% who actually have the Zelle app … congrats, you now have a historical artifact.

⚾ Bat boy vs. drone: America’s new pastime: It’s not the worst thing to happen to baseball, but it’s up there. During an A’s vs. Cubs game, a rogue drone buzzed the outfield. While security stood around shrugging, a lone hero, a 22-year-old bat boy Stewart Thalblum sprang into action. Armed with nothing but a Louisville Slugger and zero hesitation, he whacked the drone out of the sky. No injuries, no lawsuits, just one less robot in the air. 

United’s getting Starlink Wi-Fi: And it sounds pretty good. The first customer flight gets it by May, and the airline plans to upgrade 40 planes a month, with 300+ jets getting it by year’s end. It’s supposedly 50 times faster than the current painfully slow onboard Wi-Fi. Free for MileagePlus members. Now if only the snacks were this impressive.

🛍️ Buy Now, Pay Later is now Buy Now, Regret Publicly: The WSJ (paywalled) says credit bureaus have officially started tracking your “Buy Now, Pay Later” shopping. So yes, that $89 “ergonomic” beanbag you split into four payments? It might now haunt your credit report. Suddenly, Klarna feels a lot less like a fun hack and more like a fiscal breadcrumb trail leading directly to your FICO score.