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🛰️ Mark your calendars: Amazon’s finally launching its first internet satellites tomorrow, April 9 at 12 p.m. ET. It’s their shot at taking on SpaceX’s Starlink and bringing high-speed internet to the whole planet. Sure, Starlink already has thousands of satellites up there, but Amazon’s betting it can win you over by cranking out cheaper terminals. Fingers crossed the satellite doesn’t come with “some assembly required.”

▶️ TikTok, who? YouTube wants you to watch more Shorts later this spring. They’re updating its video editor to automatically sync cuts to the beat of the music and AI stickers. Plus, no more minimum watch time. Views will be counted the second you press play. Cool, but we all know TikTok’s secret sauce is its algorithm.

👎 Downleveling: It’s the new tech hiring trend. You crush the interview … and then they offer a lower-level role than the one you applied for. Congrats! You nailed the interview for a job you didn’t want. Why? Companies have so many candidates, they’re not taking chances on anyone who doesn’t check every single box. Say no? Cool, there are a hundred others behind you ready to take it. Rude.

Feeling the sting of sky-high cloud costs: Here’s a smart move — switch to Oracle. Companies are saving up to 50% on their cloud bills without sacrificing performance. Want to see how much you could save? Check it out for yourself.

🧠 AI is changing radiology: Over 75% of AI software approved by the FDA for medical use is built for radiology. These tools scan hundreds of images and spot things like cancer, strokes and pneumonia (paywall link). Yep, that means doctors can catch urgent cases faster and treat patients sooner. They just have to watch out for the false reports, of course. 

Verizon’s new price lock policy: With all the economic chaos going on, Verizon’s offering a three-year price guarantee on certain plans. Sounds great, right? Not so fast. This “deal” only covers the base charge. Fees aren’t included, so your bill can still go up. Oh, and they can also cut your monthly autopay discount in half. Cute, Verizon. Real cute.

🚨 Fake toll payment texts are back: And up by over 600%. Scammers are once again impersonating E-ZPass and others to steal your info and money. They’ll hit you with a text telling you to pay now or risk fines and a license suspension. Block the number, and don’t click the link. Next up: fake texts from “I-95” asking for child support.

🪀 RIP, cheap stuff: The days of filling carts with $2 eyebrow stamp kits and glow-in-the-dark toilet lights might be numbered. Global trade crackdowns (like killing the “de minimis” tax loophole) are making it harder for cheap imports from places like Temu and SHEIN to flood U.S. markets. Goodbye, weird little gadgets. You served … some purpose.

👀 Smile, you’re on 15 different cameras: A journalist drove 300 miles across rural Virginia, then filed public records requests to see how often his car was caught on surveillance. The short answer: a lot, proof that even on the quiet backroads, Big Brother is watching and judging your late-night Taco Bell runs.

🖼️ Midjourney V7 is here: It’s the first big update for the image generator in nearly a year, and apparently the AI is much smarter at understanding text prompts, sharper and slightly less cursed when it comes to hands. FYI: It’s an early release, so features like upscaling and retexturing are still missing but should roll out in about two months.