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🚔 Crypto CEO sentenced: Alex Mashinsky, former Celsius Network CEO, just got slapped with 12 years for securities and commodities fraud (paywall link). Prosecutors wanted 20, but he got off slightly easier. Celsius collapsed in 2022, leaving a $1.19 billion crater. Turns out its slogan, “Unbank Yourself,” actually meant “Unpack Your Belongings in Cellblock D.”
📵 Virginia limits kids’ screen time: A new law will ban anyone under 16 from using social media for more than one hour a day. Apps will verify age, and parents can adjust if their kids get more time. Once they hit the limit, the app is supposed to block access … though it’s unclear how that’ll work.
📝 Sneaky students: College kids are turning in papers with typos … on purpose. This helps fool AI detectors after using chatbots to write essays. Some even tell bots to write like a “dumb” freshman or run their work through multiple tools to hide the AI fingerprints. Clever? Yep. Smart? Not so much.
🔞 Sick social media trend: Awful accounts are using AI filters to make the women in overly sexual TikTok and IG gym videos look as if they have Down syndrome. They’re adding captions like “Syndrome is down but your d*** is up.” Why? It goes viral, and they try to redirect people to adult sites. And yes, the original clips are stolen.
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🤖 CRM sentience: Salesforce’s Einstein Copilot just dropped for public beta, and it’s like Clippy got a PhD and an Adderall prescription. It reads your company data, automates tasks and generates content, all without leaking your Q1 projections to Skynet. Also, it’s now called Agentforce, which sounds less friendly and more … ready for war?
Romance scams continue: A retired Texas man fell for an online “romance,” and then “she” convinced him to dump his 401(k) into crypto. Spoiler: It was all fake, complete with a site showing his money “grow.” Now, he’s out $500K, his house is up for sale, and he’s job hunting. Love hurts, but that’s next level.
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