The truth? You never lost your privacy

🛒 Check yourself: Say goodbye to all traditional and self-checkout lanes at Sam’s Club’s nearly 600 stores. Instead, you’ll use “Scan & Go” on their app. Then, AI-powered cameras and sensors will check your cart as you walk right out. Shoplifting? No. Shop-glitching? Maybe.

That’s the year the world allegedly ends, according to a 12th-century prophecy. The internet is going nuts. After Pope Francis’ sudden death at 88, the so-called Prophecy of the Popes resurfaced with its final line: The next (and last) pope, “Peter the Roman,” will lead during a time of chaos, followed by Judgment Day. Out of the nine front-runners to become the next pope, three are named Peter. No pressure.

📢 Government drone testing is back: The FAA says don’t panic if you see them swarming New Jersey skies. They’re testing over 100 drones through April 25. It’s apparently to improve drone detection and to make sure they don’t mess with aircraft navigation. New Mexico, North Dakota and Mississippi, you’re up next. Don’t worry, it’s just 100 flying robots stress-testing your paranoia.

🗣️ YouTube wants to dub every video: AI tools will soon translate any video into any language (paywall link). It’ll use the creator’s own voice and sync their lips to match. The AI behind this is trained on current videos … and you agreed to it years ago. If you’re a creator, congrats, you’re multilingual now.

That’s the average refrigerator temperature in thousands of homes across Europe. The FDA says yours should be at 40°F or colder. Anything warmer,  bacteria grows on your ready-to-eat food. So yeah, check your settings. If your cheese grabs you back, maybe turn that dial down.

🤖 No more humans working: The future is bright, if you’re a GPU or own six condos. Mechanize wants to replace all human work with AI. They say it’ll boost the economy since companies won’t have to pay salaries. Because robots are totally going to pay taxes for us. 

💸 $20 scam spreading: Don’t fall for it. A stranger walks up and says you dropped $20. They try to stuff the cash back into your wallet, but they’re really swiping your debit card. One woman at a Ralphs grocery store fell for it. Thieves withdrew thousands in 30 minutes. Yikes.

Taobao downloads spiked this month. The Chinese shopping app is now the No. 2 free iPhone app, behind DHgate at No. 1. Folks are buying directly from China after watching TikToks of luxury items being relabeled and marked up. Now for $12.99, you too can own a “Gucchi” belt with radiation.

🏠 Zillow’s new rule: If a home is advertised anywhere online, it now has to be listed on Zillow, too, or they’ll blacklist it. Why? Some brokerages have been posting homes on their own sites first to give their clients early access. Harsh. Long story short: If you’re selling, now you know, thanks to me.

😒 Comcast’s sneaky offer: New Xfinity customers can now lock their internet price for five years. Talking $55/month for 400 Mbps or $105 for 2.1 Gbps. The catch? It doesn’t include taxes or fees. Plus, internet deals will get cheaper with competition from Starlink and AT&T’s satellite service. Locking in your price for five years sounds great, until you realize the fees are multiplying in the dark like gremlins.