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June 5, 2025

👁️ Laser eyes, activated: Chinese scientists made a laser that reads text ⅛ of an inch from 0.85 miles away. Originally for studying stars, it now works on your grocery list from the next neighborhood over. Add shape-recognition AI, and yes, it’s totally spying tech. Meanwhile, you’re looking for your glasses when they’re on your head.

Open-source bombing: Ukraine’s wild daylight drone strike reportedly took out a chunk of Russia’s long-range bombers using open-source ArduPilot software straight from the hobbyist world. The code was originally built in a guy’s basement. Now it’s leveling airfields. Just another casual week for DIY warfare. Who knows what else is lurking around GitHub these days?

🧑‍💻 Online shopping scam: A dad thought he scored a 20TB hard drive for $51 (these are normally around $300) from a flaky site called “Chicntech.” Spoiler: It didn’t work. His son cracked it open and found glued-in metal weights and a chip faking the storage size.

Getting old blows: Not just in candles. Job hunters over 40 say Workday’s hiring AI tool ghosted them, fast. One plaintiff claims they were rejected hundreds of times, often instantly, with no human review. Workday denies their tools actually make hiring decisions, which sounds like Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” by way of HR software.

🎨 Photoshop is finally on Android: And yes, it’s free (for now). You can grab it on Google Play and mess with layers, masks, selection tools and AI Generative Fill. The fine print: After the beta, it’s $7.99/month.

“Rilly big shoo”: I’m talking about The Ed Sullivan Show that just passed a million YouTube subs. Turns out there’s an endless audience for grainy footage of Elvis pelvis-ing and Beatles mop-shaking. Kids today don’t remember when every performance had 18 backup dancers, no autotune and a ventriloquist, but now they’ll get to experience all the grandeur.

Silicon in your skull: Neuralink’s got company. Paradromics just put a brain chip in a human in a clean 20-minute surgery during epilepsy treatment. It’s their first human implant to prove the tech works; the brain chip was removed after 20 minutes. Next stop: a full clinical trial, and maybe someday, mind-controlled emails. What could go wrong?

$50,000

That’s how much a 20-year-old makes monthly on TikTok Shop. Grayson Finks treats TikTok like a 9-to-5, but with better lighting and fewer naggy coworkers in 10 videos a day. She’s made more than $3 million in revenue, with 176,000 followers.

AirTagged and attacked: This is frightening. Miami man Andres Dorado allegedly planted an Apple AirTag tracker in his estranged wife’s car, then used it to crash her hotel date and stab her new partner. A knife, broken window and GPS breadcrumbs later, cops found the AirTag was linked to his phone and arrested him on the spot.

400 million

That’s how many subscribers MrBeast just hit on YouTube. The data supports it, he’s the undisputed king of the algorithm. He’s got more subscribers than the U.S. has citizens. At this rate, he could drop a video called “I Breathed Air,” and it’d hit 50 million in an hour.

🍪 93.7 billion cookies for sale: And nope, not the Girl Scouts kind. Hackers are selling browser cookies on the dark web, so they can access your accounts with no login needed. How’d they get them? Infostealer malware from shady downloads. Be careful what you click.

🧨 Military-tech frenemies: Meta and its exiled VR golden boy Palmer Luckey are now building souped-up VR headsets for the U.S. Army. It’s part rebrand, part redemption arc and fully dystopian. Move over, Xbox Live, tactical goggles now have patch notes.

👾 Farming pays: Roblox’s new super-hit Grow a Garden has sparked a black market for digital fruit. People are flipping dragonflies and polar bears for $200+ despite it violating Roblox rules. Gamers are basically becoming produce smugglers. It’s Farmville meets Wall Street. Congrats to the guy who sold a few tomatoes to pay his paid rent.

Microsoft alert: Starting in June, you won’t be able to save new passwords in their Authenticator app. By July, it’ll stop autofilling passwords and delete saved payment info. Come August, all stored passwords will be wiped. Why? Microsoft’s moving password management to the Edge browser. I’m still not making the switch.

Every 44 minutes

Something in deep space is flashing, and scientists have no idea what it is. It’s 14,700 light-years away and sends out bursts of both radio waves and X-rays. For the record, that isn’t supposed to be possible. Theories? Maybe an ancient magnetar or a white dwarf binary system. Or hear me out: Aliens.

Too good to be true: Hackers are tricking people into downloading “premium AI tools” that are actually malware. Some freeze your PC. Others steal logins. One claims it’s helping humanitarian causes. Classic hacker gaslight. If an AI app offers unicorn features for free, it’s probably there to eat your bank account.