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May 21, 2025

🔍 Google I/O announcements: I wasn’t overly impressed. Search is getting an AI Mode tab so you can use Gemini to browse the web. Why? Google Meet will add real-time speech translation. Finally. Gmail will dig through your inbox to suggest replies that sound more like you. Helpful, maybe. And for shopping? Upload a full-length photo and virtually try on outfits. And Google gets more data points on you to sell.

Take It Down Act: President Trump just signed a law making it a crime to post someone’s intimate images without their consent, even if they’re AI deepfakes. It’s serious stuff. You could face up to three years in prison, plus fines. Platforms have 48 hours to take down reported content and scrub any copies.

🚨 Update Chrome ASAP: Google dropped an emergency patch to fix a flaw that could let hackers take over your accounts. Don’t wait. Go to Settings > About Chrome and make sure you’re up to date. Windows and Linux should be on version 136.0.7103.113. macOS should be on 136.0.7103.114.

👁️ New Orleans secret surveillance: For two years, police used facial recognition to track people in real time. They tapped into a private network of cameras to scan crowds for anyone on a wanted list and sent alerts to officers. The twist? It might not have been legal. The program’s now paused (paywall link).

JPMorgan flip-flops: CEO Jamie Dimon still hates crypto, but now JPMorgan’s letting clients buy it. You won’t get custody or a warm hug … just ETFs on your monthly statement. Think of it as cold, regulatory-compliant enthusiasm. He’s basically telling you, “Don’t vape, but if you must, do it through your investment account.”

🛠️ Hood’s up, scam’s on: Scammers are showing up to buy your car and sabotaging it mid-sale. They’re pouring oil into the coolant to fake engine issues, then trying to lowball you into selling the vehicle cheap. Even if you don’t fall for it, you’re stuck with a mess and a repair bill.

🚨 Deliverability: Noun. The likelihood that an email will successfully land in your inbox instead of being exiled to the deadly spam folder. I switched ESPs (email service providers), and I need your help. Reply, forward or rate the newsletter at the end, so Big Tech and your email provider know you want my free newsletter. This way, I’ll stick around like guac on a chip.

46%

The increased risk of hemorrhoids if you scroll on your phone while on the toilet. A new survey found that prolonged scrolling sessions on the porcelain throne might be more dangerous than you think. Maybe it’s time to swap the TikTok binge for, I don’t know, getting off the toilet. What’s it called when you get a hemorrhoid in space? An assteroid. (That was a good one!)

YouTube ads are getting tricky: They’re testing an AI tool called Peak Points that finds the precise moments when viewers are most engaged in a video. Then it drops ads right after. The goal? Help advertisers catch you when you’re paying attention and more likely to click. Kill it with fire.

⚡ Dodge ditches the Charger Daytona: The EV base model flopped so hard they sold less than 2,000 of ’em in the first few months of the year. But don’t worry, you can still pick up the Scat Pack version if you’ve got $73,985 lying around. Gas-powered Chargers are coming soon.

T-Mobile payout: Remember the 2021 data breach that exposed info from 76 million people? A class action lawsuit followed, and T-Mobile agreed to a $350 million settlement. Good news: Checks are going out this month. If you were part of the lawsuit, you could get back your losses or a flat payment of $25. Nothing says I’m sorry like a Chipotle bowl and a bottle of CVS wine.

3x

The increased odds of developing Parkinson’s if you live within 2 miles of a golf course. Why? Heavy pesticide use. Critics aren’t entirely convinced, calling the link “reductive.” It’s enough to make you think twice before dreaming of that house overlooking the 18th hole.

🤖 Gemini gets beefy: At tomorrow’s Google I/O conference, I expect to see the next-gen Gemini Ultra and two heavier subscription tiers. Also coming: AI agents that browse the web for you (finally someone to blame for your weird search history), shelf-worthy Android tweaks and some spicy fake podcast upgrades. Also on deck: XR smart glasses collab with Samsung.

Meta’s scam spiral: Facebook and Instagram reportedly ran God only knows how many shady ads tied to scams from fake food giveaways to nonexistent golden retrievers. Internal docs say the company avoided cracking down to keep the $$$ flowing. JPMorgan says half of Zelle scam complaints lead straight back to Meta. Turns out “move fast and break things” meant “let’s break trust.”

$21.9 billion

The price tag for Charter’s takeover of Cox Communications. This will create the largest U.S. cable and broadband provider, because clearly, what we need is fewer options and more bundling.

🧬 Bankrupt 23andMe just got bought: Regeneron is scooping it up for $256 million. Who’s that? A biotech company big on cancer and disease research. So yep, they’ll now have access to all that juicy genetic data. They say they’ll honor current privacy rules. Sure.