🤢 Clean your smartwatch: Researchers randomly tested watch wristbands and found 95% were contaminated with harmful bacteria, including E. coli and MRSA. Plastic and rubber hold the most junk. Makes me want to chuck all my stuff in this.

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👁️ Eye love this news: Researchers have restored the vision of people with damaged corneas. They took blood cells from healthy donors, reprogrammed them into corneal cells and formed a thin sheet to place on the damaged eyes. Three out of four patients have better vision a year later. Clinical trials are set for March.

485 years old

Age of a bronze cannon discovered in Arizona. It might be the oldest firearm ever found in the U.S. Researchers think it belonged to Spanish conquistador Francisco Vázquez de Coronado but was never fired. The cannon is just 40 pounds and 42 inches long. Wonder if Francisco had a complex about that …

43 monkeys

Escaped from a research facility in South Carolina, and only one has been captured so far. They broke free after a caretaker failed to lock the doors. Staff have been trying to lure them back with food, but they’re too busy enjoying their freedom. If they join Amazon while they’re out, they’ll be Prime mates!

🧬 First of its kind: A 25-year-old woman with Type 1 diabetes found her body has started producing its own insulin again after a stem cell transplant. The original cells came from her body and were reprogrammed into insulin-producing cells called islets. Now, she no longer needs insulin injections, but researchers are waiting to see if the results last before considering her “cured.”

3,600-year-old cheese

Found buried with Bronze Age mummies in northwestern China. It took researchers a decade of DNA analysis to determine the substance was, in fact, the world’s oldest cheese. Un-brie-lievable.

3,601 chemicals

From food packaging have been found in the human body. Researchers found about 25% of the roughly 14,000 chemicals used in packaging in blood, hair or breast milk samples. This is your friendly reminder to stop microwaving plastic.

Hold me closer: Touch is vital to human happiness, and researchers just found a way to recreate it from far away. The wearable, a small silicon fingertip connector, uses vibrations to stimulate nerve cells. That, in turn, makes it feel like you’re holding hands with a loved one on the other side of the world. Incredible.

🚨 All that and dim sum: Researchers dug into Communist China-owned TikTok’s algorithms and found they suppress content critical of the Chinese Communist Party. Search for “Xinjiang,” a region linked with genocide and crimes against humanity, and you’ll find only 2.3% of results are anti-China. Compare that to 21.7% on YouTube. And the cherry on top? They’re not above manipulating teens with pro-China propaganda.

Does this toga make my gluteus look maximus? Nearly 2,000 years ago, the Herculaneum papyri scrolls were buried when Mount Vesuvius erupted. The scrolls were too fragile to read — until now. Using AI machine learning and computer vision, researchers can decipher what’s on them without physically unwrapping the delicate material.

1.6M brain scans

Used to train an AI tool that predicts dementia risk. Researchers are using MRI and CT scans to find patterns that could help doctors spot dementia sooner and treat it better. I sure hope it works; by 2050, the number of people with dementia is expected to triple.

76 of 150 diagnoses

What ChatGPT got wrong, despite passing part of a medical licensing exam. Researchers at Western University in Ontario, Canada, gave ChatGPT case info and the results weren’t pretty. AI is pretty good at interpreting test results or educating you on a diagnosis, but it’s as bad as Google at figuring out what’s wrong.

😸 Meow you’re talking: Earn $50 and contribute to scientific research just by playing with your cat. I’m not kitten you. Researchers at the Animal Welfare Epidemiology Lab at the University of California, Davis, are looking for two-minute videos. Apply here.

44 and 60 years old

When our bodies go through dramatic aging. Researchers tracked the molecules and microbes of 108 people over seven years. Most didn’t age gradually but did so in big bursts in their mid-40s and early 60s. Yup, age is an issue of mind over matter; if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

🚴‍♂️ Not wheelie good: Researchers found a way to hack bicycle wireless gear shifters with just a few hundred bucks of tech and a laptop. The trick works on Shimano Di2 shifters, which are used by top cycling teams worldwide. A patch is rolling out in late August.

13% decrease

In LDL cholesterol (the “bad” one) by eating corn flour daily. Researchers tested a few different combos and found refined cornmeal mixed with corn bran was the winner at lowering cholesterol. Time to bake some cornbread.

Oh, no, Ozempic: Counterfeit versions of semaglutide weight-loss drugs are easy to find online. Researchers got their hands on three. Of those, the dosages didn’t match the labels, and one was contaminated with bacteria. Btw, three other sites scammed them entirely. Get the real deal from your doc.

3 times a week

How often you should snack on baby carrots. Researchers found that frequency “significantly increased” skin carotenoids, which are associated with less inflammation and lower risk of heart disease. Crunch on!

🦈 Fin-tastic app for summer travels: Want to know where the sharks are? Researchers track sharks (not all) in this free app. Or use the map on their site.

Night-vision tech is getting better: Researchers are developing ultra-thin, lightweight infrared filters — think thinner than cling wrap and lighter than a gram — that fit right over your regular specs. Just imagine asking your optometrist to add night vision to your prescription lenses. Sign me up!