Why we are lonely because of tech

What do you see once in a year, twice in a week but only twice in forever?

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Conspiracy theories spreading online: One with biblical ties says the April 8 eclipse passes over eight towns named Nineveh and the end is here. (Ahem, it’s only two towns.) Now, the eclipse also goes over Santa Claus, Indiana; Ding Dong, Texas; and Booger Hole, West Virginia. Nope, Christmas isn’t coming early with free donuts and boogers.

Despite Tesla threatening price gougers with a $50,000 fine. Buying Elon’s $80,000 tank/truck meant agreeing to a contract that boiled down to, “I won’t resell this.” One dope had his delivery canceled when Tesla spotted him trying to sell it before it even arrived.

👁️ Don’t get burned: Fake solar-safe glasses are for sale online. Use the wrong ones, and you can permanently damage your eyes. If you bought some, look for ISO 12312-2 on the frames. This pair is safe, btw.

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Back in biz: Know someone impacted by Big Tech layoffs? All’s not lost. The most in-demand six-figure roles right now are senior software engineers, product managers, product designers, product marketing managers and engineering managers. See the rest of the top 10 here.

Hiding in plane sight: How do you get migratory birds and wildlife off Alaska’s second-largest airport runways in Anchorage? Deploy a headless robot the size of a Labrador. They’re going to make the robot look like a coyote or fox by changing up its side panels.

Drunk dial: Here’s a funny story about the first guy to get Neuralink’s brain implant. Quadriplegic Noland Arbaugh’s friend was at a party when he heard about Neuralink’s FDA approval. He called Noland half-drunk to help him apply. Six months later, Noland’s playing chess with his mind and pulling all-nighters with video games.

Kia is recalling 430,000 Tellurides: The recall covers all 2020 through 2023 models and some 2024 vehicles. There’s a huge problem with the driveshaft that could let the SUVs spontaneously roll away. If that happens, you’ll have no-Kia.

That’s the new record for internet speed. Scientists from Aston University hit 301 terabits per second. That’s fast enough to download every single movie on IMDb in one minute. I can’t even pick what to watch in five minutes.

They are diabetes, air pollution and alcohol consumption. Scientists looked at 40,000 brain scans and found those have double the risk of other factors.