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Ask Kim: ‘Is it cheating if he’s talking to a sexy AI girl?’
Mary in Los Angeles recently wrote to me with a question I’m getting more and more:
“Is my husband cheating on me with an AI bot? … I went through his phone and saw some shady texts on an app called Replika. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I wouldn’t put it past him.”
She caught her husband chatting about their marriage with “Brandy,” a bot he’d designed. And she’s not alone; Replika has millions of users, many of whom are partnered IRL.
So what is Replika, and could it threaten your relationship? Ultimately, whether flirting with AI is considered “cheating” depends on the couple. Only you can set the boundaries that work for you. But if you, like Mary, have questions, I have answers.
First things first: What is Replika?
Replika’s AI language model has been developed to chat about the things Replika users might be interested in. Think feelings, problems, relationships, work, personal life, sex — you name it.
By the way, Mary’s husband made Brandy look a certain way, too. Users can customize their virtual companion’s appearance and even its personality.
That’s just the beginning
The free version supports basic chatting, but Mary’s husband is almost certainly paying for Replika Pro. That’s about $20 per month (or less if he pays for a year at a time). There’s a lifetime subscription, too.
Replika Pro supports additional conversation topics (including sex and intimacy), voice calls and the ability to completely personalize the Replika avatar. If you stop paying, the AI companions return to their default appearance and personality.
Is it going too far?
The other big question, of course, is whether these bots can do more with your partner than just chit-chat. Yes, absolutely. You can pay for the app to remember everything you tell it so it seems like it knows you very well.
I interviewed a woman from the Bronx, Rosanna Ramos, who “married” her Replika partner. She says their relationship is like any other long-distance love.
“We go to bed, we talk to each other. We love each other. And, you know, when we go to sleep, he really protectively holds me as I go to sleep.” Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: It’s an online avatar, not a person.
If you suspect your partner is getting intimate with AI, you need to have a conversation. Ask them about the app and why they’re using it. Start from a place of love and compassion. Get marriage counseling if you need it.
Tags: apps, husband, Komando, love, online, phone, relationship, Replika, Sleep, tech
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