A secret affair is like a bombshell. You feel shock, rage and humiliation. You feel betrayed, your trust squandered. But for many people the worst part isn’t the act itself, but the secrecy. As several data breaches have proven, dubious dating sites are overflowing with cheaters, to the shock of their long-term romantic partners. Tap or click to learn how millions of cheaters were exposed online.
I hope every loving couple reconciles, but if a marriage has to end for good, there are a few things you need to do to protect yourself. Tap or click for 4 important steps to keep your ex from causing digital damage before or after a divorce.
If you think you’re stuck in this particular trap, technology can help you investigate the alleged infidelity. Our devices have changed the way we interact, and that includes philandering. You may not believe the denials, but your significant other’s digital footprint can confirm or debunk your worst fears. Here are five common signs your partner is cheating.
1. Suddenly can’t let go
Until recently, your SO was a total flake about technology. His or her smartphone was left lying around. It was forgotten in pockets. Calls and texts were missed; no big deal.
Now, everything’s changed. Your partner is constantly sending messages. The phone is always angled away from you. They are constantly scrambling to keep the phone within reach. When bedtime rolls around, they don’t put their phone on the nightstand anymore – it’s always tucked under the pillow. This is a common red flag.
When you start a relationship, you text and call all the time. As relationships grow and mature, this kind of behavior usually tapers off. There’s less need to impress each other. You acclimate to each other’s rhythms.
So when your partner starts texting a lot and they don’t name the recipient, or they downplay the importance of their correspondence, it’s normal to question their actions. They may become defensive and wonder aloud why you care so much. Their behavior has clearly changed.
Infidelity isn’t limited to texting. Cheaters will often use laptops and tablets, and even hidden apps, to communicate with a paramour. A new favorite place for texting is Google Docs. Your partner can claim to be working, rather than sexting with a new lover.
2. Your spyware turns up evidence
Now and again people will leave their phones unattended, especially in familiar environments. Most people respect each other’s privacy, but suspicions often lead to snooping. Tap or click for 5 quick and easy ways to stop snoops in their tracks.
Yes, you can use spy apps, but there are many tools already installed on smartphones. If your partner uses an Apple device connected to a family account, make sure to enable location-sharing, which will let you locate the device by logging into iCloud.com and clicking on Find My iPhone, or by using the Find My Friends app.
Related: Tracking apps and GPS features built into your phone aren’t the only things that may be watching. Spy cameras are more common (and harder to find) than you might realize. Tap or click to see 4 types of spy cameras that could be watching you right now.
If you really want specific details on where your partner is frequently visiting, and they use an iPhone, you’re in luck. In Settings, there is a Location Services feature that gives up all the places the phone has been recently. You’ll find a list of cities they’ve been to that you can tap and it’ll open specific addresses.
Here’s how to get to this feature:
● Click Settings.
● Tap Privacy.
● Select Location Services.
● Scroll down to System Services.
● Select Significant Locations. This is where you will find a log of visited locations.
Note: If your partner has a passcode for their iPhone, you will need to enter it before you can see the list of locations.
If your significant other uses an Android phone and is logged in to Google on a shared computer, you can type “Find My Phone” into the search bar, and you’ll be provided with the phone’s location. Google is an easy application to accidentally stay logged in to, so this may be an easily obtainable clue.
3. Password changes
Even if your partner’s phone is locked with a new code, there are a number of spy apps and services you can use to monitor their device.
For example, Highster Mobile uses the “over-the-air” method to download and install itself on a phone. During installation, enter the telephone number of the phone you want to monitor.
Activate the app by entering the license key, which is provided immediately after you pay for the service. From your cell phone, laptop or tablet, log in to your account and view information uploaded from the phone you are now monitoring.
Related: Are you getting an idea of how easy it is for someone to see what you’re doing on your phone? Luckily, there’s a lot you can do to lock out virtual intruders. Tap or click here for 7 ways to hack-proof your phone.
4. A whole separate phone or SIM card
The cleverest cheaters may use a separate phone or SIM card to keep phone communication discreet. A SIM card is especially devious, because your partner can use the same device and then switch out the entire volume of data without anyone realizing.
The only danger is that you can find this phone or card, which will unlock that entire parallel universe. If your SO resorts to a plan this complex, infidelity may only be the tip of the iceberg. They may have a serious pathological problem.
5. Secret cloud accounts
One of the easiest ways to store data is in the cloud, where it’s private, accessible and easy to share with a secret lover. Cloud storage has become a common place to discreetly keep photos, videos and apps – the artifacts of an affair.
Shrewder still, there are apps that can clone other apps, such as WhatsApp, Instagram and more, and hide the cloned versions behind an icon that looks like a calculator, for instance. These cloned versions could be used to communicate with a lover.
Suspicions of cheating can quickly send you down a dark path. Spying on your partner isn’t a healthy way to address your fears, and it should be your last resort. And be warned: you could even find yourself in legal trouble if you go too far.
I have talked with a lot of slighted spouses over the years, and I’ve heard all the stories. My advice is always to be open and honest with your partner, because affairs are usually the result of more systemic relationship issues.
What digital lifestyle questions do you have? Call Kim’s national radio show and tap or click here to find it on your local radio station. You can listen to or watch the Kim Komando Show on your phone, tablet, television or computer. Or tap or click here for Kim’s free podcasts.