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November 4, 2025

🚨 Code kale red: Hang onto your kombucha. Imagine standing in Whole Foods, home of the healthy organic alternative, when a robot whips through the aisles with a Tide Pod and a Pepsi. Amazon’s testing “ShopBots” (paywall link) in some stores, so you can grab your kale, then order junk food like it’s contraband. It’s part of Amazon’s full takeover as Whole Foods execs now report to Amazon’s top brass.

No more playing pretend: Looks like OpenAI is grounding ChatGPT’s inner lawyer, doctor and financial adviser. The new rule? It can explain a contract, but it won’t write one. It can tell you what a fever is but won’t say if you have one. Basically, it’s your overly cautious study buddy, helpful but not taking any responsibility. Why? Too many lawsuits for bad advice, I’m sure.

Logging off is luxe: You know what’s trendy? Not texting back. Seriously, people are paying to not be online (paywall link). They’re going to concerts and dinner parties where phones get locked up and strangers actually talk. Apps like 222 even charge a “curation fee” to set up phone-free hangouts. I’m sure there’s a market to pay $25 to make real eye contact with a stranger.

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Death by download: A YouTuber made a how-to on installing Windows 11 on unsupported PCs. YouTube yanked it and claimed it could lead to “harm or death.” No, seriously. Apparently, teaching people how to upgrade their dusty laptop is a lethal activity. Rich, the creator, thinks Microsoft might be pulling strings. Thanks for keeping the internet safe, YouTube. Next up: cat videos taken down for terrorism.

AI after dark: Meta’s facing a $359M porn piracy lawsuit, and claims it didn’t use adult films to train its AI. It argues the 2,396 videos(!) were likely downloaded for “private personal use” on its network. Yep, they’re leaning on an old BitTorrent excuse that IP addresses don’t prove identity and “someone at work might’ve torrented that.” I hope his name wasn’t Mark.

🫥 Royal eviction: The royal family gave Prince Andrew the 404 treatment. He’s now just Andrew Albert Christian Edward Mountbatten Windsor. Not only is he out of his 30-room mansion, but he’s been digitally wiped off every royal website. Search his name? It reroutes to King Charles. Rumor is Prince Harry is next, but remember, the king can only move one space at a time. (Get it, chess joke? Woah, tough crowd today!)

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Been on Facebook for years? You might have a pile of unread DMs hiding in your Message requests folder. That’s where Meta keeps chats from anyone outside your friends list. To check, open the app and tap the Messenger icon > Settings > Message requests > You may know. Who knows, maybe a childhood friend is still waiting on a reply.

What did they say? It’s tough keeping up with all the new slang flying around on social media. That’s where Urban Dictionary saves the day. Look up any phrase your kids might drop, like “no cap” or “bussin.” The top-voted definitions appear first, so you’ll finally know if you’ve been complimented or roasted.

CEOs lose it: I agree. America’s CEOs have officially had it. Too many people are texting in meetings (paywall link). Airbnb’s Brian Chesky called it a “societal problem.” Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase tells execs to shut their iPads. Others are banning Wi-Fi. If you think it’s bad now, wait until the iPad kids enter the boardroom.

Clips for clicks: Turns out those random MrBeast clips in your feed aren’t random at all. He’s got a thousand editors cutting up his videos into bite-size bait. Each one gets paid per view, up to $1,500 per million. It’s like a digital attention span deficit factory with ring lights. Wildest part? It works. He’s at 448 million subscribers and counting.

⚡️ 3-second tech genius: Want a clock on your Kindle? In a book, tap the Aa icon > More > and turn on Show Clock While Reading. The time will appear at the top of the screen.

🔭 Seeing too many stars: Get this, Neil DeGrasse Tyson had to tell people he’s not promoting flat Earth videos. Yep, deepfakes got so real that even Terry Crews believed one. Neil says he’s cool with parodies, but if it looks real? “You’ve crossed a line.” I always wanted to ask him, “How different do you think your life would have been if your parents named you Moe instead of Neil, and would you still use your full name?”

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✈️ The sky-high shriek: Imagine this. You’re mid-movie on a flight, and your $249 AirPods Pro 3 start whistling in your ear like a boiling teapot. Some fliers say the new AirPods’ noise-canceling feature flips out at altitude, creating a painful screech. Apple hasn’t fixed it yet, so maybe pack an old backup pair that behaves. Or pretend it’s experimental jazz.

No kids club: So Character.AI, the app where people talk to pretend humans, is officially kicking out everyone under 18. Yep, kids are getting banned after some horrific lawsuits, including one from a mom who says a chatbot pushed her son to end his life. Starting now, there’s a two-hour limit. Full lockout by Nov. 25. Right, like this will work.