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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
 Posted - 01/09/2012 : 12:32:21
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Card I received on my recent birthday..
"Ever notice, the older we get, the more we're like computers?
We start off with lots of memory and drive, then we become outdated,
CRASH at odd moments, and eventually have to get our parts replaced."
My age? Nuff said
Primrose
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xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2012 : 12:41:39
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I'm there. Doing that.
Or as Curly once said to Moe and Larry, "I resemble that remark".
Respectfully Submitted
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Everyone is entitled to my opinion |
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2012 : 14:53:30
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| That was good Primrose. Going the 14th to my Sis birthday party, and will put that in her card. |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2012 : 15:03:32
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Well, I've had MEMORY lapses, which sometimes caused me to CRASH, but so far I've avoided any PARTS REPLACEMENTS.  
BMThe Silver Haired TechWhen you're my age, "running out the clock" doesn't sound like a good idea at all. |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 01/10/2012 : 12:08:35
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I haven't Crashed yet, But I have had a few parts replaced i.e. Glasses (Eyesight part replacement) and Hearing Aids (Hearing part replacement) and one broken tooth replaced.
Seadog |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2012 : 11:08:23
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While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2012 : 11:20:32
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it |
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vinylking
Intermediate Member
700 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2012 : 14:30:15
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Good one, BillM. Since I grew up in the San Jose area in the 50s & 60s, I know exactly what and where the "San Jose Tower" is talking about.
-John |
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MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2012 : 08:19:55
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COWBOYS AND INDIANS
Cowboy asks an Indian: "That your dog?"
Indian: "Yep"
Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing' all right."
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)
Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep Lie"
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2012 : 10:49:06
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This is for MrKite and all the other Handymen and Handywomen.
Shop Tools explained
Skill Saw - A portable cutting tool used to make boards, i.e., studs too short.
Pliers - Used to round off bolts. Sometimes used to create blisters.
Hammer - Used to bend nails and to mar work piece when nail is
missed.Sometimes used to turn thumb and finger nails blue.
Belt Sander - An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touchup jobs to major refinishing jobs.
Pry Bar - A tool used to crumble the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you need to remove to replace a part.
Table Saw/Radial Arm Saw - A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Hose and Pipe Cutters - A tool used to make hoses and pipes too short.
Wire Wheel - Cleans paint and rust off bolts and throws them somewhere in the shop at the speed of a bullet.
Electric Hand Drill - Used to break drill bits to help the economy by keeping drill bit makers employed.
Drill Press - A tall upright machine. Same uses as Electric Hand Drill. Also useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you
Wrench - A Hand tool used to skin knuckles.
Remember to always use the proper tool and use the tool properly! |
Edited by - Seadog on 02/02/2012 10:54:07 |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2012 : 17:40:00
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You should also remember that Skill Saws/Radial Arm Saws/Table Saws can also be used to remove appendages which were used to hold the 'piece to be cut.'
Pry bars can also be used as a hammer and are even more likely to achieve the result attributed to a hammer.
Vise grip pliers are a set of pliers with greater leverage for creating the described result faster and more consistently.
On both the Electric Hand Drill and the Drill Press, the piece which will be snatched out of your hands will be 'almost' drilled through, will snap the drill bit in the hole, and will be the last drill bit of that size which you have on hand. When you get to the hardware store, that size bit will only be available without special order in a set of 50 bits. |
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MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2012 : 18:41:06
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Hole saws had to be conceived by a depraved, sadomasochistic individual who had worked with his hands at some point. They are great when they are brand new and really sharp, but once they begin to dull, they become instruments of evil, especially, for example, when attempting to bore a 1 1/2" hole through quarter inch steel using a 3/4" D handle drill - and it decides to hang as you get 'almost' through. Uh-huh. 
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2012 : 13:20:38
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Thanks CW2 and MrKite for the input.
Quote by CW2: "Pry bars can also be used as a hammer and are even more likely to achieve the result attributed to a hammer."
CW2, The "Pry Bar" I was referring to is the "Crow Bar" aka "Wrecking bar", If you attempt to use it as a hammer, in which I have at times, You will miss the nail 99 out of 100 tries.
If you need a Pry bar that is a hammer , you need a Fubar.(No it is not what you are thinking.) A "Fubar" made by or for Stanley is a "Functional Utility Bar" and comes in two sizes,The larger one, if used with a wedge, could split wood. Great tools to have if you intend to wreck or play havoc with someting.
MrKite, My Dad had a large and heavy powerful 3/4" hand drill that had 2 handles which had a 1" chuck. It took both hands to use it, if drilling something stationary, and the bit hung up and the user was small and a light weight, he became a fan. It did not have an automatic shutoff or a slip-clutch, the only way that sucker would stop is you let go or wait until the cord wound around you or the drill and pulled from the socket.
Seadog
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MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2012 : 14:07:56
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quote:
It did not have an automatic shutoff or a slip-clutch
Exactly the type I was referring to, used back in the "good old days". Sometimes you might have a "helper" to assist you and part of his job was to rescue you from just such a mishap as you described. Usually, however, the helper would be laughing so hard he would forget to unplug the drill.
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2012 : 03:43:35
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@Seadog, I was also referring to the crow bar, usually forged from hex iron or steel stock, about 2 1/2 to 3 foot in length, it did a very good job of bending nails and marring the workpiece if used as a hammer, and usually did a number on any hand holding on to the nail. Could also do a good job of cracking/crushing any bones in said hand.
Should also list various types of C-clamps as 'useful' shop tools. They are very good at giving the user a false sense of security that the workpiece is under control and couldn't possibly move.
As the student responded to the professor when the professor asserted that a double positive is not a negative, "Yeah, right!" |
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