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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
 Posted - 04/04/2011 : 15:03:08
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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....'Go get your Mother'
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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 17:30:14
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2011 : 20:12:54
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Thanks for the really good laugh Seadog. ROTFLMAO.
PMom
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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2011 : 16:23:56
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WHAT IS THE LEVEL OF STRESS??
You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful young girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car, and you take her to the hospital. Now that's stressful.
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and congratulate you that you are going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. This is getting very stressful.
So then...... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are infertile and probably have been since birth.
You are extremely stressed but relieved.
On your way back home, you think about your 3 kids.
NOW THAT'S STRESS! |
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2011 : 18:51:09
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 17:09:59
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MrKite, That is a good one, So I will dedicate the following list of "Funnies" to you.
Seadog
Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
To be continued...Seadog
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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 17:52:14
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I love 'em Seadog!! I can relate to most but especially #'s 1, 2, 8 (they used to tell you, must have been too many deaths by OD), 10, 16, & 24.
Thanks for the laughs!!!
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Diablo
Senior Member
1709 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2011 : 19:47:10
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| Right on, Seadog! |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 05:54:28
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Good ones, I totally agree with #12
Real road sign
NOT A THRU ROAD
and below
YOUR GPS IS WRONG
DEAD END
Primrose |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 06:53:11
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[rant]
Comment on #12: I have been reluctant to spend a lot of money on new media technology after I spent several thousand dollars in 1974 on a full quadraphonic system, including 3 versions of quad sound LPs, a quad 8-track recorder, a 4-channel reel-to-reel, and several hundred dollars on quadraphonic recordings.
Don't get me wrong, I still like new computer gear and new tech in general. I am just reluctant to spend my hard earned dollars on every tech fad. You can tell the pioneers by counting the number of arrows in the back of their bodies. I didn't buy a VCR until VHS had buried Beta. The most I spent on a CD drive/player was $150. I didn't spend more than $45 on a DVD drive/player, unless it could write, also. I will probably not buy any Blue-Ray movies until I have a Blue-Ray RW drive in my computer.
Remember the 12" video disks? Remember when Dolby TM noise processing on 'metal' tapes were going to revive audiophile cassette recording? Remember when you had to have 'digital fiber optic' connections to your sound system from your DVD/CD player? Remember DV, Sony 8mm, and how about the 1" reel-to-reel video recordings?
At least a Sinclair Spectrum computer, a Commodore 64, or one of the other computers of that era did not have another several hundred or thousands of dollars spent by the average consumer on software/media for the system.
[/rant]
Gotta love consumer electronics. At least it fills up the land-fills quickly. |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 12:12:25
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quote:
Originally posted by cwsnyder2
[rant]
Comment on #12:
Gotta love consumer electronics. At least it fills up the land-fills quickly.
But landfills won't take electronics, we have a closet full!
Primrose |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9258 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 15:49:35
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You obviously don't live in TEXAS! 
BMThe Silver Haired Tech DIPLOMACY....the ability to let someone else have your way |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 19:43:35
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I especially liked the one about the line of cars blocking the jerk that cuts in line. In my younger years, I did a lot of traveling between Jersey and Virginia on 95 and the Jersey Turnpike. One car was messing with the truckers on the turnpike. So they boxed him in, got the state troopers on the cb and then let the cops deal with him. As the troopers pulled up behind each one of us, he put his lights on, we pulled out of the way and he waved as he went past until he got to the troublemaker. The troublemaker got pulled over. The last laugh was on us.
Pharmacymom |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 21:00:46
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quote:
Originally posted by BillMsenior
You obviously don't live in TEXAS!
BMThe Silver Haired Tech DIPLOMACY....the ability to let someone else have your way
Yes I do live in Texas and our landfill won't take it. We do have a local computer shop that takes them. |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9258 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2011 : 21:31:52
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Must be a City ordinance problem. I've lived in 6 different Texas cities, and have never had a problem disposing of computer parts. I just got rid of 2 broken monitors and a printer with no problems.
BMThe Silver Haired Tech DIPLOMACY....the ability to let someone else have your way |
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