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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
 Posted - 03/11/2011 : 16:15:54
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There may be some truth in this.
A man asked a WWII American Vet. did he know where he could find a good WWII era rifle. The Vet said yes, in France, You can find one there that's never been fired and only dropped once.
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2011 : 09:54:41
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A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
(scroll down)
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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xhi
Advanced Member
14280 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2011 : 10:36:16
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Respectfully Submitted
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Everyone is entitled to my opinion |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9259 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2011 : 10:53:23
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I second XHI's
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BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it |
Edited by - BillMsenior on 03/15/2011 11:02:57 |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2011 : 11:16:32
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I THIRD XHI'S
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2011 : 14:55:21
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| ROTFLMAO. |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2011 : 18:50:05
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This one is for all you Texans.
There are five houses of worship in this small Texas town:
A Presbyterian Church, a Baptist Church, a Methodist Church , a Catholic Church and a Jewish Synagogue.
The Churches and Synagogue were overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the following week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But, The Catholic Church came up with,what they thought was, the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue squirrels.
However, it was rumored that they took one squirrel and held a short service with him called Circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9259 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2011 : 15:51:51
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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. But since all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic and it
was Lent, they were not eating meat on Fridays.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended confirmation Mass. As
the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish".
"Every Saint Has a Past, Every Sinner Has a Future "
BMThe Silver Haired Tech DIPLOMACY....the ability to let someone else have your way |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2011 : 17:26:53
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quote:
Originally posted by BillMsenior
"You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish".
So that's where Clarence went  |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2011 : 17:21:08
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Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of his favorite and puts it in their cart.
What do you think you're doing? asks the wife.
They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they
carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face
cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing? asks the husband.
Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful, replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the
price.
He never knew what hit him.
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xhi
Advanced Member
14280 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2011 : 19:14:52
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The Seadog strikes again!!
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Everyone is entitled to my opinion |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2011 : 12:44:23
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Since more and more seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
Not that we would Ever use any of these!!!!
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Fainted Or Best friend (passed gas)
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go,Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL-CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing - Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oiling
GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2011 : 13:00:18
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ROFL-CGU |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2011 : 17:20:18
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| LMDO! CUATSC. IMHO? |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2011 : 19:02:33
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Loved it Seadog. Thanks for the chuckles.
Pharmacymom |
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