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Why_Me
New Member
56 Posts |
 Posted - 01/05/2011 : 12:53:22
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A man from the Louisiana bayou goes down to South America on a business trip. While there he finds an exotic bird dealer willing to ship a beautiful Gold Wing Macaw back to his brother's family home in the bayou.
When the bird arrives his brother announces to his spouse; 'honey, cook some rice, ol' Boudreaux sent us a bird'. A week or so after the bird's arrival the brother receives a phone call from South America. Boudreaux says; 'well did you get the present I sent you'? The brother responds; 'yeah and it were sure tasty'. Boudreaux exclaims; 'Oh No! You ate the bird!' The brother responds; 'Yeah, it was delicious and we ate on it for a whole week too'. Boudreaux responds; 'but that bird cost me $2500, and it could speak three different languages'. The brother hesitates for a moment then responds; 'well, he should have said something'.  __________________________________________________________________
Why Me?
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Why Not Me?
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2011 : 08:13:20
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2011 : 08:40:58
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and
eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 01/08/2011 : 06:25:54
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Makeuseof.com posted this compilation of geeky one line humor, and I thought I would share it with this group.
One of my favorites from the list:
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
cwsnyder2 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 01/08/2011 : 07:05:01
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My favorite:
my attitude isn't bad, it's in beta.
Thanks for the link CW. I got a chuckle reading them.
Pharmacymom |
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Why_Me
New Member
56 Posts |
Posted - 01/10/2011 : 14:55:14
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In order to keep this one from offending those impressionable minds; Think Chicken.
I woke up this morning and
I could hardly wait
to ponder out my window
and gaze at my estate.
The breeze was blowing briskly
it made the flowers sway
my garden was enchanting
on that inspiring day.
My eyes fell on a little bird
with a beautiful yellow bill.
I beckoned him to come alight
upon my windowsill.
I smiled at him with happiness
and gave him a crust of bread
then quickly closed the window
and smashed his $!@*!&% head.
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Why Me?
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Why Not Me?
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xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2011 : 12:08:11
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Kim's weekly jokes inspire me. Don't know if you've heard this lately, but...
There once was an Indian tribe known as the Pathagry's.
There came a time when three of the squaws in the tribe were pregnant and due to deliver all about the same date. So, the elders prepared a birthing tepee. Two places were prepared with animal hides while the other was prepared with a prized hippopotamus hide, since one of the squaws was the daughter of the chief.
When the day came, lo and behold, four male babies arrived. The commoner squaws each had a son while the daughter of the chief had twin sons.
Thus was born the Pathagry's theorem: That the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
Respectfully Submitted
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Everyone is entitled to my opinion |
Edited by - xhi on 01/14/2011 12:09:48 |
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Uriah
Senior Member
3604 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2011 : 20:09:14
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quote:
Originally posted by cwsnyder2
Makeuseof.com posted this compilation of geeky one line humor, and I thought I would share it with this group.
One of my favorites from the list:
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
cwsnyder2
Thanks, cw! I enjoyed them!
Sign in our computer room in the 1970s:
It would take 10,000 scribes a thousand years to screw things up as badly as one computer can in a microsecond.
Uriah |
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Why_Me
New Member
56 Posts |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2011 : 16:16:15
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PRICELESS!
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2011 : 05:56:09
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Good one Seadog. Thanks for the laugh.
Pharmacymom |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2011 : 08:38:51
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A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, You're beautiful. Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, You're cute. The wife was disappointed because instead of beautiful, it was now cute.
She asked, What happened to beautiful?
The man replied, The drugs are wearing off.
BMThe Silver Haired Tech I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2011 : 14:46:12
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| BM, just one burning question: Did he ever successfully come awake after the anesthetic or did he die of 'complications' after his remark to his wife? |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2011 : 18:20:33
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I was wondering the same thing when I read it CW! Thanks for the laugh BM.
Pharmacymom |
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dontknowsquat
Senior Member
1506 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2011 : 10:55:43
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A little boy was watching his mother cook dinner. She was having trouble opening a new bottle of cooking oil; so she was hitting the cap on the counter in order to loosen it. Meanwhile the door bell rang. She asked her son to answer the door.
Obediently he went to the door and found that their preacher had come to visit. The preacher asked, "Is your mother home?"
The boy replied, "Yes, sir. She is in the kitchen hitting the bottle." |
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