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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
 Posted - 02/22/2010 : 13:18:04
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We have a 28 ft tow trailer. It is equipped with everything except clothing, personal equipment and food all the time. Yes, it is a ton but we stay up to 2 1/2 months when we go and love it. I love camping with a roof over my head. Never could sleep in a tent. 
Primrose |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2010 : 14:33:42
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A little cheer for all you "Shut-ins" due to heavy snow. Spring is less than 3 weeks away.
CHATTING WITH CHILDREN
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'.
*****
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
******
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq ..' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, 'That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2010 : 09:02:24
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While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven, says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven.. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?'
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..
Today you voted.'
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2010 : 17:56:23
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Thanks for that chuckle Renae. Really Cute.
PMom |
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Dustin
Senior Member
3436 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2010 : 07:20:42
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Here is a good one:
*********************************************************************
Sex after 70!
After examining his elderly patient, the doctor
asked the man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you
have any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor
said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you
have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or
concerns.
The doctor then said to her:
"Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied... "That's because the first time is
usually in August and the second time is in January." |
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Dustin
Senior Member
3436 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2010 : 07:33:46
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"Who Wants to be a Millionaire"
A contestant named Sally, had reached the final plateau, on the TV show 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected, the Million Dollar Question would be no pushover.
It was: 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
Sally was on the spot. She did not know the answer.
She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her 'Ask the Audience Lifeline'. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because....Her friend was, well, a blonde.
She had no alternative.. She c alled her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly
and immediately:
'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.'
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.
She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde,it would seem to be the logical thing to do, but her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that Sally was convinced to take her friend's answer.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said: ' C: the cuckoo.'
Is that your final answer?' replied Regis Philbin the moderator.'
'Yes, that is my final answer.' Sally replied.
'That answer is ...Absolutely Correct'
You are now a millionaire!'
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
Fay Sue, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the contestant. 'How did you happen to know the right answer?'
'Oh, come on,' the blonde replied...
'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks..'
Sally fainted.
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Dustin
Senior Member
3436 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2010 : 08:20:59
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Pink Curtains
A Blonde goes to K-Mart to buy curtains. She says to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'
'Seventeen inches ?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for ?'
The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer
monitor.' The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!'
The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo .... mine
has Windoooooows.......'
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xhi
Advanced Member
14280 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2010 : 08:22:05
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Kim's kind of joke.
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN
LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
^
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^Highlight the line below
*****THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS. ***** 
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
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Edited by - xhi on 03/26/2010 08:23:30 |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2010 : 09:32:18
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| Cute Xhi |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 05:07:19
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Thanks for the chuckle XHI.
Pharmacymom |
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dontknowsquat
Senior Member
1505 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 08:19:41
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| A three legged dog hobbles into an old western saloon. While scanning the customers, he announces in a deep voice, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa." |
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dontknowsquat
Senior Member
1505 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 08:30:11
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A couple of men in a nursing home were reminiscing about their favorite memories. The subjects included hunting, fishing ,sports, and work. When they finally got around to family, the conversation became centered on intimate relations.
One of the elderly gents announced with pride, "I can still do it twice!"
The other replied, "Which time is best?", in astonishment.
After giving it some thought, the first replied, "Summer, definitely summer." |
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xhi
Advanced Member
14280 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 09:35:17
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Your first one reminded me of the age old question...
What is it that a gentleman does standing up, a lady does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?
Highlight Answer **Shake Hands. What did you think?**
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
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dontknowsquat
Senior Member
1505 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 10:50:28
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| ****I had the unfair advantage of knowing the answer before you asked it.**** |
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dontknowsquat
Senior Member
1505 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2010 : 11:19:21
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That was one of the questions asked by the Apollo astronauts for the Turtle Club membership test if memory serves me correctly. I can't remember the others off the top of my head.
dontknowsquat |
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