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xhi
Advanced Member
14279 Posts |
 Posted - 08/04/2009 : 16:39:01
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 My kind of humor, cw, thanks.
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2009 : 18:10:05
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gwing1
Junior Member
423 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2009 : 20:01:12
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A few years ago, I heard the reverse of this joke, which I heard tonight--
A couple were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary and it was obvious that they were happily married. They were asked what was the secret to their marriage. The wife answered, when we were on our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon. Once we were there we decided to take a horse back ride down into the canyon.
We each had a horse and had gone just a little ways when my horse stumbled and then recovered it's footing. This scared me and so I got off the horse, looked it in the eye, and told it..horse..that's one. I then got back on the horse. We went a little ways when the horse again stumbled and so I again got off of the horse and told it, horse, that's two. We went a little further and the horse again stumbled and so I got off, took a pistol out of my back pack and shot the horse between the eyes and killed it.
My husband started to complain and so I looked him in the eye and said, husband, that's one. And that's the secret to a happy marriage.
gwing
Personally, I prefer the version I heard 30 years ago, but that's just me.... |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2009 : 20:13:00
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| gwing07 your version is also |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2009 : 07:35:32
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Gwing07 and CW they are both funny. I am still laughing hard enough that I am still not able to sleep, when a half hour ago (just before reading) I was so tired. Thanks for the laugh.
Pharmacymom |
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2009 : 20:48:27
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ONE HOLE BEHIND
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?" "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied. "No, I won't." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the barstool. "See," she said. "I knew you'd Laugh!" "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2009 : 06:57:15
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Cindy Lou
Pharmacymom |
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2009 : 17:02:29
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Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!
A guy asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am! But let me ask you something....If I had asked for Italian sausage,
Would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst,
Would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a Kosher hot dog.
Would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco,
Would you ask if I was Mexican?
If I asked for some Irish whiskey,
Would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't !"
With deep, self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish Because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2009 : 17:38:10
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HeHeHe! I liked that one.
I was married to someone of polish decent for about six years. You should have heard the jokes.
Pharmacymom |
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vinylking
Intermediate Member
699 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2009 : 17:54:04
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Being mostly Polish myself, I like to think I've heard 'em all.
-John |
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gwing1
Junior Member
423 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2009 : 03:47:28
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Got this one this AM in an e mail...hopefully it has been a while since you have heard it:
________________________________
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"
gwing
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2009 : 10:15:22
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gwing
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2009 : 17:54:00
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gwing07 I needed a good laugh
Picaninny |
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gwing1
Junior Member
423 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2009 : 05:39:25
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Just heard this one:
__________________________
A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on drives.
During one trip, the driver dropped her at a store while he went to the filling station to fill the car with gas. The woman left the cat behind and it stayed in the car, curled up laying on the back seat.
The service station attendant kept looking in the window as he filled up the car. Finally, he asked the driver, "Sir, is that cat someone important?"
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gwing1
Junior Member
423 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2009 : 09:43:30
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Alright---one more:
_____________________________
A girl was visiting her friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. Her friend responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered her friend... "They're watch dogs!"
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