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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
 Posted - 03/24/2009 : 11:59:55
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Very funny MrKite...  |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3898 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2009 : 13:39:33
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Mr. Kite, I can tell you are experienced at changing your own oil because: - You know how to remove an oil filter without a wrench
- you knew to include in the parts hand cleaner and kitty litter
- and you knew the proper proportion of beer to oil (roughly one:one)
cwsnyder2 |
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Diablo
Senior Member
1709 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2009 : 15:06:19
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A couple of suggestions to make it more interesting.
Use Channel Lock Pliers--It can make the slips more interesting--and it will round off the edges of the plug so no normal wrench will fit in the future.
Also, to add more interest you can overtighten the plug and strip the threads--done this many times myself.
Diablo |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2009 : 15:12:39
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quote:
Originally posted by Diablo
Also, to add more interest you can overtighten the plug and strip the threads--done this many times myself.
Diablo
That way you can add a tap and die set to the already tedious procedure 
H48 |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2009 : 16:38:45
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Picaninny |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3898 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2009 : 16:26:51
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If you are careful, you can just barely snug the drain plug, so that it drops out after about 500 miles of travel, letting the oil run out of a running engine. Had that done to me when I took it to get the oil changed at a local garage shop once. You might get lucky and be able to pull over and turn off the engine before the engine is a pile of scrap.
cwsnyder2 |
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Diablo
Senior Member
1709 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2009 : 20:07:48
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quote:
Originally posted by cwsnyder2
If you are careful, you can just barely snug the drain plug, so that it drops out after about 500 miles of travel, letting the oil run out of a running engine. Had that done to me when I took it to get the oil changed at a local garage shop once. You might get lucky and be able to pull over and turn off the engine before the engine is a pile of scrap.
cwsnyder2
That happened to my late aunt and uncle with their 3000 mile new Ford Explorer in 1990.
The station did replace the engine--but what a pain in the rear!
Diablo |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2009 : 08:03:17
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Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.
"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.
So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye
bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble
meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the
inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants,
and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.
The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer.
Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."
God sighed. "Let's be honest Teresa," he said, "...for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2009 : 08:09:41
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Heard on "Whaddya Know" on Saturday;
"There are no stupid questions; just alot of inquisitive idiots."
H48 |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3898 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2009 : 14:42:31
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Have you seen the new, simplified tax form proposed before congress?
It goes something like this:
Line 1: Enter your total gross income from your W-2s and form 1099s here: __________
Line 2: Enter the amount paid from your income for State & Local Income taxes here: __________
Line 3: Enter the amount paid from your income for Social Security and Medicare taxes here: __________
Line 4: Enter the amount paid from your income for other State and Local taxes (including sales and use taxes) here: _________
Line 5: Add the total of lines 2 through 5 here: __________
Line 6: Subtract the amount of line 5 from line 1 and enter here: ________ (Turn page)
Line 7: Copy amount from line 6 here: ________
Line 8: Enter the amount withheld from your income to pay Federal Income Tax here: ___________
Line 9: Subtract the amount from line 8 from the amount in line 7 and enter here as the amount still owed to the federal government: ________
Line 10: Should you have any other not otherwise reported income, you may send that amount with the check for the amount in Line 9, or a penalty of 1% per week compounded daily (7 days a week) will be assessed.
We are from the government, and we are here to help you if you have any questions. (Barry said we had to include that line here.)
Reminder, this is supposed to be a joke. |
Edited by - cwsnyder2 on 03/28/2009 10:54:31 |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2009 : 16:11:46
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| CWSnyder...Under the 'circumstances', I do not know whether to laugh or cry... |
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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2009 : 15:29:09
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YOU MIGHT BE A NURSE IF:
1) The front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!'
2) You occasionally park in the space with the 'physicians only' sign... and knock it over.
3) You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) You recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
6) You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
7) You believe that saying 'it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
12) You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
14) You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
17) You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
18) You believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.
19) Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) You don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) You've sworn to have 'do not resuscitate' tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
25) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
26) You believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
28) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase 'Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) You have ever wanted to write a book entitled 'Suicide: getting it right the first time..'
30) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say 'I have no idea how that got stuck in there..'
31) You've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh
uncontrollably.
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9257 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2009 : 17:17:06
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BMThe Silver Haired TechIs PRAYER your STEERING WHEEL or your SPARE TIRE?
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2009 : 18:06:07
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Cute
Picaninny |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2009 : 21:08:17
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THE LAWYER & HIS PORSCHE
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of
the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a
truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's
door.
Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled
up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the policeman had a
chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about
how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body
shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the officer shook his
head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you
lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you
neglect the most important things in life'
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing?
It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'
'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer.
'MY ROLEX!!!'
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