Home | Log In | Register | Active Topics | Search | FAQ
 All Forums
 The Water Cooler
 Getting to know you
 Jokes of the day
 Reply to Topic
 Printer Friendly
Previous Page | Next Page
Author  Topic Next Topic
Page: of 97

pharmacymom
Advanced Member

6303 Posts

Posted - 01/18/2009 :  04:05:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
We're not supposed to get to 30 until later today. It made it to 19 today. I can't wait for spring.


Pharmacymom
Go to Top of Page

Seadog
Intermediate Member

1078 Posts

Posted - 01/18/2009 :  16:06:13  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Rated:

In Days gone by the computer was a pencil that you used
to print with one end and deleted with the other end.
Memory was something you lost with age;
An application was for employment;
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano,
A web was a spider's home,
A virus was the flu,
A CD was a bank account,
A hard drive was a long trip on the road,
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And if you had a 3 inch floppy.



You just hoped nobody ever found out!
Go to Top of Page

Picaninny
Intermediate Member

1186 Posts

Posted - 01/18/2009 :  20:54:27  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


Picaninny
Go to Top of Page

Snowball
Senior Member

2686 Posts

Posted - 01/18/2009 :  21:00:48  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
From Who Framed Roger Rabbit:
Eddie Valiant: "Oh! A ladies man."
Baby Herman: "My problem is I have a 40 year old lust and a 3 year old dinky."

Edited by - Snowball on 01/19/2009 17:31:07
Go to Top of Page

Raggtopp
Junior Member

152 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2009 :  06:46:00  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Pharmacymon - I am originally from Pennsylvania and we walked to school (grades 1 thru 3) no matter how much snow was on the ground or how cold it was. Westinghouse transferred Dad to Maryland and we either walked or rode the bus to school.
I never heard of businesses closing because of snow until I moved to Georgia in '85. The first time it snowed, I happily got the snow shovel out of the garage and shoveled the steep driveway so I could go to the bank and do the grocery shopping. Ha, ha, was I ever in for a surprise. There were no cars (I mean NO cars) on the roads and EVERYTHING was closed .

The people are friendly and I do love the weather here.

Raggtopp
Go to Top of Page

Snowball
Senior Member

2686 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2009 :  10:17:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A blind man was sitting in a restaruant next to a woman. He asked her if he could tell a blond joke.
The woman said, "I must let you know I'm blond and a body builder, my friend next to me is blond and a wrestler, and the one next to her is blond and a heavyweight kick-boxing champion. Now, do you still want to tell the joke?"
The man said, "No. Not if I have to explain it three times!"
Go to Top of Page

infohound
Senior Member

3912 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2009 :  11:15:58  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and

saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'
'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

'Why don't you just put it in park ?'



Go to Top of Page

xhi
Advanced Member

14287 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2009 :  18:29:47  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
There is nothing like a well trained car!
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
Go to Top of Page

Picaninny
Intermediate Member

1186 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2009 :  20:12:41  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Very Cute Infohound

Picaninny
Go to Top of Page

cwsnyder2
Senior Member

3900 Posts

Posted - 01/23/2009 :  10:26:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You have probably already read this one, but I don't remember it being posted here:

Exercises for those over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level,
















put a potato in each sack.

cwsnyder2

P.S. I almost forgot to mention, I'm 55.

Edited by - cwsnyder2 on 01/23/2009 10:27:15
Go to Top of Page

H48
Senior Member

3841 Posts

Posted - 01/24/2009 :  07:59:33  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.
He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the
feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?

Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied,
'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?'
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
and in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow
me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to
it!'

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you,and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

H48
Go to Top of Page

dadmc1
Senior Member

2512 Posts

Posted - 01/24/2009 :  19:02:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly,
'Good morning Alex.'
Good morning Pastor, he replied, still focused on the plaque.
Pastor, what is this?
The pastor said, Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,






"Which service...the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
Go to Top of Page

H48
Senior Member

3841 Posts

Posted - 01/25/2009 :  09:23:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Chris

ROFLMAO
Go to Top of Page

dadmc1
Senior Member

2512 Posts

Posted - 01/25/2009 :  10:04:08  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Jan,

Don't think anyone has died during our services, but have seen quite a few snoozers!

Chris
Go to Top of Page

Picaninny
Intermediate Member

1186 Posts

Posted - 01/25/2009 :  13:32:40  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Chris... that one was really cute

Jan... loved it

Picaninny

Edited by - Picaninny on 01/25/2009 13:33:44
Go to Top of Page
Page: of 97  Topic Next Topic  
Previous Page | Next Page
 Reply to Topic
 Printer Friendly
Jump To:
© 2011 The Kim Komando Show, All rights reserved. Go To Top Of Page
Wow! This page was generated in 0.25 seconds. Snitz Forums 2000