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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
 Posted - 12/05/2008 : 13:53:51
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Thoughts from Larry the Cable Guy . . .
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is just anger without any enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese in the trap.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong
lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
'What the hell happened'?
Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all
fall off.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar
of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt
tomorrow.
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2008 : 20:45:11
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Snowball, Askbud and Mr Kite all were 
Picaninny |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2008 : 21:31:05
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Very good MrKite... "If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments"... Yep, that would get LOTS of attention. They are all funny and when you think about it; logical. |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2008 : 22:54:06
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WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul ,
Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that
women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. From Ms Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of
the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further
back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do
you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately
to change?' The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and
without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'
Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN---THERE'S A SMART WOMAN !
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Snowball
Senior Member
2686 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2008 : 22:29:19
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ROFLMAO!!!
I had to wait to type this post because I was laughing too dang hard! I'm still catching my breath.
Whether you think you can or you can't... you're right!
Thomas Edison. |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2008 : 06:01:56
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Memorable Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian , you should have remained a virgin.' -
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I'm so unlucky that if I bought a funeral home, someone would find a cure for death.
- Joel Leson -
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
; <><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
< Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Richard Mitchell-
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
Primrose |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2008 : 23:55:28
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Ireland versus Saddam's Iraq
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr Hussein" a heavily accented voice said . "This is Paddy down at the Harp Bar in County Sligo Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you".
"Well Paddy" Saddam replied. "This is indeed important news! How big is your army".
"Right now" said Paddy. After a moment`s calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor
Seamus and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight".
Saddam paused "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.
"Begorrah" said Paddy. "I`ll have to ring you back".
Sure enough, the next day Paddy called again " Mr Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some
infantry equipment".
"And what equipment would that be Paddy" Saddam asked.
"Well we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy`s farm tractor".
Saddam sighed, " I must tell you Paddy that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I have increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke".
"Saints preserve us" said Paddy "I`ll have to get back to you".
Sure enough Paddy rang again the next day "Mr Hussein the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ! We`ve modified Harrigans ultra light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock pub have joined us as well".
Saddam was silent for a moment and then cleared his throat "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes".
"My military complex is surrounded by laser guided, surface to air missile sites and since we last spoke I have increased my army to two million.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph" said Paddy "I`ll have to ring you back".
Sure enough Paddy called again the next day "Top o` the mornin` Mr Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war".
"I`m sorry to hear that" said Saddam, "Why the sudden change of heart".
"Well" said Paddy "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided that there is no way we can feed two million prisoners"
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xhi
Advanced Member
14279 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 13:51:39
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Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a
stuffing; imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was
perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when
poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
8 - 15 lb. Turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S
LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to
taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter salt,
and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan
with the neck end toward the door of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the oven door blows open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
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Edited by - xhi on 12/09/2008 13:53:29 |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 14:02:32
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quote:
When the oven door blows open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.
Sounds like a scene right out of "Money Pit"  
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MrKite
Senior Member
2474 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 14:46:06
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You had me biting on that one xhi!
H48 - I have a very good friend who is a licensed Master Plumber, and we still laugh about that movie. "Two weeks" 
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 17:24:57
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quote:
Originally posted by MrKite
You had me biting on that one xhi!
H48 - I have a very good friend who is a licensed Master Plumber, and we still laugh about that movie. "Two weeks"
hahaha!!! one of my most favourite movies...kids love it too....yeh  |
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xhi
Advanced Member
14279 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 17:48:43
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quote:
Originally posted by heroness48
quote:
When the oven door blows open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.
Sounds like a scene right out of "Money Pit"
I only ever saw the original 1948 version "Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House" with Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Melvyn Douglas. Didn't have a turkey in that one.
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 18:48:02
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quote:
Originally posted by infohound
Well, here is the whole, disastrous scene.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSGMDHMAJrY
I dragged out the VHS after reading this lol and watched it....Hanks and Long were so GREAT! 1948 was a tad before my time so I can't say as I ever heard of Mr. Blandings
H48 |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2008 : 20:19:02
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Well,as for "Mr.Blandings Builds His Dream House"I was a little too young to have seen it in 1948 but here is a scene from it and all I have to say is, I am glad I was not her painter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRn59zNL0Ew
And in that particular scene from "The Money Pit", I must say she took it rather well,when the turkey landed in the bath, of course she had not yet seen the kitchen, |
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