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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
 Posted - 11/03/2008 : 07:56:24
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That's a really good one Chris, especially since tomorrow is the big day and then we probably are back to the same old stuff --- broken campaign promises, no matter who wins. Thanks for the chuckle.
Pharmacymom |
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askbud
Senior Member
3178 Posts |
Posted - 11/07/2008 : 09:56:45
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How the Internet Got Started
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price.
And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to horse flesh and, before very long, there were many others and they were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, (or, as it came to be known, "eBay" ) he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham.
And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all.
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 11/07/2008 : 19:29:32
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Thanks for the interesting and humorous analogy Askbud.
Pharmacymom |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 11/09/2008 : 23:33:24
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I Just Love Poetry
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
'YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, 'MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
MARRY WILL, OR MARRY JOE:
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.'
Brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 05:02:16
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Ah Renae. The interesting things that are hidden between husbands and wives. Thanks for the chuckle.
Pharmacymom |
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Snowball
Senior Member
2686 Posts |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 12:37:46
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| My half sister became best friends with a girl who lived in the next town. They became best running buddies and were always together. She finally decided to introduce her to the rest of the family a year later and could not figure out how her best friend knew me when she grabbed my neck nearly choking me because she hadn't seen me in a long time. We told her, "that's not your best friend... that's your cousin!" |
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Daydreamer
Junior Member
151 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2008 : 11:02:43
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 Oh, Infohound....that Susie Lee is priceless! Thanks for the laugh. Now I will try to return the favor:(a friend sent me the following)  
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995)
Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign---"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward---"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC---"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
A congressional candidate in Texas---"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it!"
Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark---"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Al Gore, former Vice President---"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle, former Vice President---"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Lee Iacocca---"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst---"The word 'genius' isn;t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor---"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina---"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Keppel Enderbery---"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Mark S. Fowler[/maroon], FCC Chairman---"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2008 : 12:19:52
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Very good Daydreamer. It is always interesting to see the brilliance of some of the same people who probably had a laugh at the expense of Dan Quayle. Thanks, Renae |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2008 : 22:01:21
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Ditto here. I loved laughing at and with Dan Quayle. He is very bright, but also somewhat inept at replying to questions on the spur of the moment.
Thanks for the laugh Daydreamer.
Pharmacymom |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 09:31:22
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A couple 'stories' to get you "goin'" on this dreary Saturday, that is, if you live in Tennessee. It's raining and snow flurries are in the forecast.
After church, Little Suzie tells her parents that she has to go talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. Pastor, Suzie says, I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust. Thats right Suzie, I did. And I heard you say when we die, our bodies go back to dust. Yes Im glad you were listening. Why do you ask? Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed cause theres someone either coming or goin!.
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Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
Why do you do that mommy? he asked.
To make myself beautiful, replied his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
Whats the matter? asked Little Davie. Giving up?
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LennyS
Senior Member
4003 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 13:05:48
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To all who are posting here,
Thanks for the laughs which are much needed. My Sally is in Rehab now after having been in Hospital four weeks. Major abdominal surgery. If it wasn't for the friendship and compassion demonstrated on the boards here, my life would have been nearly intolerable. Any prayers added to my own are appreciated beyond measure.
Lenny |
Edited by - LennyS on 11/15/2008 13:06:35 |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 13:23:12
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Hi Lenny... I will pray for the full recovery of your beautiful lady, Sally. I know how you must feel. After sharing my life, the good and the bad times, for 45 years with my husband, when he is not with me, I feel lost. A fish out of water.I am sure you and your Sally feel the same. I hope she is home soon and God Bless you both, you are in my prayers. Renae |
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Snowball
Senior Member
2686 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 15:21:43
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Lenny, I pray for a speedy recovery and that God bless the doctors who work on her.
Your literal neighbor,
Snowball |
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MrKite
Senior Member
2502 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 15:33:42
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You and Sally certainly have my prayers, Lenny. There are a lot of shoulders to lean on here, make use of them if you feel the need.
MrKite
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9289 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 17:22:50
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Add my prayers along with the others.
BMThe Silver Haired TechIs PRAYER your STEERING WHEEL or your SPARE TIRE? |
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