| Author |
 Topic  |
|
infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
 Posted - 09/29/2008 : 18:02:45
|
  |
 |
|
|
Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2008 : 12:13:44
|
Originally posted by Seadog
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and
screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always ringing.
Seadog
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally quoted by Xhi
Uuumm. Al Gore?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
----------------------------------------------------------------------
No, no,no Xhi, You've got "Old" Al confused with "Old" Bill. It was Bill (Clinton) that was more like Butch the Rooster than Al.
Seadog |
|
|
|
BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2008 : 14:55:04
|
That's no lie! 
BMThe Silver Haired TechIs PRAYER your STEERING WHEEL or your SPARE TIRE? |
|
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2008 : 18:49:58
|
|
|
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2008 : 18:51:49
|
Thanks Primrose for the one mixing the companies, including my employer in one of them. Boy what a laugh I got, especially since it fits the company ego.
Pharmacymom
|
|
|
|
Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2008 : 22:44:29
|
Coincidence....
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!'
'What a coincidence,' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me - I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me, too! I am also celebrating,' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer. As they clinked glasses, he asked her, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' says the man 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence!...'
|
|
|
|
BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 10/01/2008 : 07:00:52
|
| |
|
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 10/01/2008 : 07:18:08
|
Thanks for the chuckle Fuzzy.
Pharmacymom |
|
|
|
MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2008 : 06:56:44
|
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos
around the country:
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you
just went through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's
the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket.'
8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not.. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop.'
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
AND THE WINNER IS...
1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here.
|
|
|
|
xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2008 : 08:04:32
|
quote:
Originally posted by Fuzzy317
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence!...'
How come Fuzzy317 can use the terms he does but I cant talk about my *****cats with out being censored. I think it is sex discrimination in the boards censorship module. Try it yourself.
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
|
|
|
BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9260 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2008 : 13:09:28
|
It's all in the meaning of the word, I guess.
Then again, it could be how much of a prude the Moderator is. 
BMThe Silver Haired TechIs PRAYER your STEERING WHEEL or your SPARE TIRE? |
|
|
|
infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2008 : 10:55:24
|
Nuns on Vacation
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through
Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a
traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood
of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts
Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he
clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the
Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as
the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at
the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says
Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the ---- off the car."
|
|
|
|
Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2008 : 09:31:14
|
A smile to get you going this Monday.
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right
thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard
a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police
officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took
her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed,
photographed, and put in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a
policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to
the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal
effects.
He said, 'I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you,
and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?'
bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to
Sunday-School' bumper sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem
on the trunk. Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car.'
Seadog |
|
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 06:59:50
|
Good one Seadog. Loved it. Needed the chuckle after a very heartwrenching day yesterday. Just goes to show you how hipocritical most people with those bumper stickers are.
Thanks
Pharmacymom |
|
|
|
Snowball
Senior Member
2686 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 17:11:18
|
quote:
Originally posted by pharmacymom
Good one Seadog. Loved it. Needed the chuckle after a very heartwrenching day yesterday. Just goes to show you how hipocritical most people with those bumper stickers are.
Thanks
Pharmacymom
There used to be blue taxi cabs in Orlando that had Christian symbols on the back of their cars. They were constantly speeding, cutting people off and doing every road crime we have a law for. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
KIM'S CLUB ![The Kim Komando Show [Logo]](http://static.komando.com/websites/www.komando.com/www/kk_header_footer/v9/img/komando-header-logo.png){kind=logo}
Jokes of the day