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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
 Posted - 09/22/2008 : 07:22:33
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Quote for the day:
'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap,
you will receive more s--t than any one human being can handle
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/22/2008 : 09:07:26
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Good one Primrose. You are right about that last line.
Pharmacymom |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 09/22/2008 : 21:04:14
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Cute joke Fran and Primrose, true, so true. |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 09/24/2008 : 05:34:44
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Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a Woman from Colorado and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house c leaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Nebraska He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
Primrose 
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 09/24/2008 : 06:47:20
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 09/24/2008 : 12:06:29
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Grannie says:
Grannie do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
No darling, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with
"If elected, I promise"
Primrose |
Edited by - Primrose on 09/24/2008 12:07:14 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2008 : 06:19:23
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Yes Primrose, that is the biggest fairytale of all. Thanks for the really good chuckle.
Pharmacymom |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2008 : 07:31:03
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The difference between a Fairy tale and a Sea story is:
A Fairy tale begins with..."Once upon a time..."
A Sea story begins with..."This ain't no crap..."
Seadog
quote:
Originally posted by Primrose
Grannie says:
Grannie do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
No darling, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with
"If elected, I promise"
Primrose
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xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 09/27/2008 : 11:24:15
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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: Thats not it, and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: Thats it.
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 07:40:11
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Sort of reminds me of the Mash episodes where Klinger would try to get the discharge because of his mental health or lack thereof by dressing as a woman. Thanks XHI for the laugh.
Pharmacymom |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 11:57:09
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Investment Tips
for 2008
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers
so that you can get in on the
ground floor and make some
BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2008:
1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.
Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros.,
and ZestaCrackers join
forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood
4.) Zippo Manufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining
will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa
5.) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.
6.) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild
7.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants
8.) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women
will become:
Knott NOW!
And finally....
9.) Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang
OH, YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO FORWARD THIS ONE!
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LennyS
Senior Member
4000 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 14:44:26
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YUP - FORWARDED FOR SURE
Lenny |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 15:09:33
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VOTE, But watch who you vote for.
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and
was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to
his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all, When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Hickman County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the
judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also
awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and
screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always ringing.
Seadog
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MrKite
Senior Member
2480 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 16:51:34
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xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2008 : 17:24:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Seadog
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and
screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always ringing.
Seadog
Uuumm. Al Gore?
Xhi
The Computer Whisperer
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas
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