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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1295 Posts |
 Posted - 08/26/2008 : 13:18:34
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Has this thread died? It doesn't show the last 2 posts in the last posted area. Mine and Lenny's. Weird.
Primrose 
I see this post brought it back to normal. Anyone else notice this? |
Edited by - Primrose on 08/26/2008 13:19:53 |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2008 : 11:29:50
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This sounds familiar, sorry if has been posted before.
John's Old Boat
Joe and John were identical twins. John owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day John rented out his boat to a group of guys from out-of-state who sank it. John spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Therefore, John did not know that his brother, Joe's wife had died suddenly that day. When John got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for Joe and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
John, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. ;I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 20:14:42
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Sounds sort of like the boat my dad had called budget buster. It partially sank during a hurricane in 76. Dad resurrected her. Got the engine working, but when he put it in the water, the transom wasn't sealing properly after being out of water so long, and it kept taking on water. Finally scrapped it but not before changing the name that was on it to busted tub.
Thanks. Loved the joke Fuzzy.
Pharmacymom |
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cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3916 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2008 : 04:08:01
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That reminds me:
Definition: Boat; Hole in the water that you pour money into.
cwsnyder2 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2008 : 05:03:30
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Yea he did pour money into it. And all for naught. That's why he renamed it busted tub.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 09/01/2008 : 16:50:28
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sorry if a repeat
Archeology:
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: "California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper
wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced
high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New
Yorkers."
One week later, The Dallas Tribune, a local newspaper in
Texas, reported the following: "After digging as deep as 300 feet in
his pasture near Sulphur Springs, Bubba Mitchell, a self-taught
archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has
therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone
wireless." Thank God for Bubba. Who said Texans were hicks?
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2008 : 12:08:12
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Yep, I think it was a repeat Fuzzy, but thanks for the laugh anyway. Today has not been a good day with hubby's bad diagnosis, so I needed it even more.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 17:27:34
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'**
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 09:34:23
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Been at the 'old' Computer too long? You may want to try this.
Please take notice: This is not an endorsement by the Old Seadog, nor should it be considered an ad for seller of this product since Kim does not permit ads on this Message Board.
I posted this in the Joke topic, But if the product works it would be a relief, not a joke, for those of us who sit at their computers much too long.
Go to "duluthtrading" and enter Item #96235.
According to their description of this product it should provide relief from chafing from long periods of sitting, and other activities.
Seadog |
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BillMsenior
Advanced Member
9287 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 11:06:23
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The scary part is it comes with an MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet). 
Tell me, would you describe yourself more as a process or a function? |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2008 : 14:38:40
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Seadog: Love the product name.
Billmellon: Guess the manufacturer wants to go to extremes to protect itself. I work in the chemical industry so see MSDS's all the time. But this is a first for an over-the-counter product. Guess they are taking the better safe than sorry approach.
Pharmacymom |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 05:53:13
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This was sent to me by a poster on these boards so if it's been already posted, please forgive...gave me a real good chuckle
"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?
''Yes,' was his incredulous reply.
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 10:11:46
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I had a friend who was a stay-at-home mom and went on strike. It lasted all of a day, as the hubby made some changes after chasing after the older kids. My friend took care of only the baby's needs as he was too little to do anything for himself. Kids got a whole lot more chores added to their list and things settled down to normal household routine again.
Thanks for the chuckle Jan.
Pharmacymom |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 14:03:54
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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said - "Well yeah, if that's what they are, I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says- "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, " Hey, Wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses a*s?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses a*s." The Trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket...
After a long pause, the farmer says... "Hard to fool them flies though." |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 14:58:01
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Thanks Renae and Linda. The laughs felt really good. Especially since they come on top of the Ravens win - GO RAVENS!.
Pharmacymom |
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