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MrKite
Senior Member
2484 Posts |
 Posted - 08/02/2008 : 11:36:22
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| Hell, I guess I'm one too, Seadog! |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 08/02/2008 : 22:57:15
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The Koala and the Lizard
A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says:
"Hey Koala, what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says to the koala that his mouth is 'dry' and that he is going to get a drink of water from the river. The little lizard is so stoned that when he gets to the edge of the water, he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side and then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree when he needed a drink of water. The lizard said "I was so stoned" that when I leaned over to take a drink, I fell into the river.
The crocodile decides that he has to check this out for himself, so he walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
The koala looks down from the tree and says:
"Dang dude.......how much water did you drink?!!" |
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Daydreamer
Junior Member
151 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2008 : 19:58:18
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 This is NOT a joke, but it is something I really saw on a church marquee:
"HOW WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY......
SMOKING OR NON-SMOKING??"
It made me laugh, hope you get a chuckle too.... |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2008 : 05:23:51
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Thanks Renae, Seadog, and Daydreamer for the chuckles. My favorite church sign saying was seen a couple of Octobers ago. You don't have to spend a fortune to sit in our seats on Sundays. (I am a die hard football fan - so it hit home. My trips to the stadium to see the Ravens are usually free - Can't even afford nose-bleed city seats at M&T Bank Stadium!)
Pharmacymom - going to watch the game Thursday from the camper - have cable will travel!)
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2008 : 17:16:34
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An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.'
'And what about the men?' the minister asked.
'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2008 : 20:29:36
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| Cute Fuzzy317.. |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2008 : 12:08:46
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Loved it Fuzzy. Thanks.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2008 : 17:11:11
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A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal and grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying ..
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 08/08/2008 : 11:38:52
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| A Good one Fuzzy. |
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CindyLou
Intermediate Member
867 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2008 : 12:11:25
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| That was a GOOD one Fuzzy317 - Still laughing! |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 07:55:12
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Funny one Fuzzy. Keep em coming.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 17:14:36
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A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
'Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,' he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
'Now. Tell him you have a headache.'
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Edited by - Fuzzy317 on 08/13/2008 17:21:50 |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2008 : 08:13:38
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This is for my 'old' Sea Service Shipmate Lenny. So, Ladies since it's a little "raunchy" and may offend you, I appoligize, But the devil made me do it.
An old man walks into a brothel, looks around for a few minutes and finally the "Madam" approches and ask what she could do for him.
The old man said "I would like to rent a young lady for the night."
The madam looked at him and ask, "Sir, How old are you?"
The old man answered, "Today is my birthday and I'm 90 years old and I'm celebrating."
The madam looked at him for a moment and said, "You're 90 years old...Sir,...I hate to tell you this...but you're finished."
The old man looked at her and said, "I'm sorry...how much do I owe?
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Edited by - Seadog on 08/24/2008 11:37:04 |
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LennyS
Senior Member
4000 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2008 : 09:42:41
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Yup. Right on target. 
Lenny |
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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
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