| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
 Posted - 05/31/2008 : 19:55:16
|
| To be honest, I copy/paste from another bbs. But I am having to post only the cleaner/"P.C." ones here. |
 |
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2008 : 04:55:15
|
Thanks Fuzzy. I have heard that one before, but always chuckle.
Pharmacymom |
|
|
|
MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2008 : 05:42:25
|
A man and his wife are shopping at Wal-Mart. The man picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. The woman says, "What do you think you're doing?" The man replies, "It's on sale, 24 cans for $10". She replies, "We can't afford it", and so the man puts it back.
On the next aisle, she puts a jar of face cream ($20) in the cart. The man asks, "What do you think you are doing?" The woman says, "It's my face cream, it's necessary because it makes me look beautiful".
The man says, "Yeah, so does the Budweiser and at half the price".
|
|
|
|
Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2008 : 06:05:51
|
Good one MrKite
This is an old one but clever. 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to kno w you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
(you're gonna love this)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Primrose |
Edited by - Primrose on 06/03/2008 06:22:48 |
|
|
|
dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2008 : 18:22:38
|
quote:
Originally posted by Primrose
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Primrose
YUP!
For the younger crowd here's the original, This Old Man.
Chris |
|
|
|
MrKite
Senior Member
2476 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2008 : 18:37:26
|
PROOF THAT MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS! ! !
Friendship among women . . .
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among men . . .
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and the other two said he was still there.
|
|
|
|
Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2008 : 18:55:44
|
I will have to borrow that last one.  |
|
|
|
pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2008 : 04:44:42
|
Thanks Mr. Kite. My hubby loves his Bud. And I do use expensive cosmetics because they are better, but the punchline was the best.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder!
Pharmacymom |
|
|
|
Primrose
Intermediate Member
1282 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2008 : 09:29:20
|
A group of high school students in Montana played a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose inside the school. Before letting them go, they painted the numbers 1, 2, and 4 on the sides of each goat.
The faculty and staff spent most of the day looking for a goat number 3.
Primrose
|
|
|
|
Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2008 : 19:03:10
|
| thats a good one |
|
|
|
cwsnyder2
Senior Member
3900 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2008 : 13:55:27
|
Primrose,
I love that one, because: - it sounds just like what a group of Montana students would do
- and it sounds just like what the faculty would do
- but they forgot to look for the goat with 5 painted on its side.
cwsnyder2 |
|
|
|
Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2008 : 13:16:20
|
This is for those that read the ending note on Kim's Saturday newsletters.
MILKING THE COW
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.
The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.
It went in one ear and out the udder.
|
|
|
|
Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2008 : 13:19:28
|
GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'
Seadog |
|
|
|
xhi
Advanced Member
14282 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2008 : 16:53:41
|
MrKite your friendship story above sent me into a laughing jag like I've not done for a while. However Thechefkat did not get it at all,
..................
..................
..................
..................
..................
..................
..................
Xhi
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
Edited by - xhi on 06/06/2008 16:54:19 |
|
|
|
Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2008 : 20:21:41
|
Two blond farmers were talking about their livestock. One says, "Hey, I seem to recall about a year ago you had a mule that got colic. What was it that you gave him to treat it?"
"Turpentine", replied the other blond farmer.
A week later they meet up again. "How's your mule doing? Did you treat him with turpentine?"
"Yep. But the mule died about an hour after I gave it to him."
"Well ain't that the dangdest thing. That's exactly what happened to mine!" |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
KIM'S CLUB ![The Kim Komando Show [Logo]](http://static.komando.com/websites/www.komando.com/www/kk_header_footer/v9/img/komando-header-logo.png){kind=logo}
Jokes of the day