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Primrose
Intermediate Member
1281 Posts |
 Posted - 05/23/2008 : 12:06:33
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His request approved, the photographer used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, Lets go.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.
Why? asked the pilot.
Because Im a photographer for CNN, he responded. And I need to get some close up shots.
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, but finally he stammered, So. . . . . . . . What youre telling me, is . . . . . . . Youre NOT my flight instructor?
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2008 : 18:20:36
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 thats a good one |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2008 : 18:59:59
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quote:
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, but finally he stammered, So. . . . . . . . What you're telling me, is . . . . . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?
Oh My   Thanks Primrose, that is funny. |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2008 : 21:41:05
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A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2008 : 23:34:35
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Thanks for the laugh as usual Fuzzy. And Primrose, I would have loved a picture of the photog's face when he learned that.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2008 : 18:46:05
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Not really a joke, but funny anyway.
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime.
It doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! 
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2008 : 18:54:47
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I love George Carlin. My favorite is the segment he does on punishing criminals on Monday Night Football half time show. I will try to find the words and post here.
Pharmacymom |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 14:27:44
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see?'
The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
What does it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent.'
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 18:56:43
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Thanks Seadog, that was funny and I needed a laugh. Renae |
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Diablo
Senior Member
1709 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 22:56:21
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Thanks from me also, Seadog.
I've been poking and prodding--and crawling under sinks and toilets and termites trying to get the house I bought last week suitable to move into. I knew it was a fixer-upper--it was also cheap--but I'm so tired when I get to the computer at night only something funny makes sense.
Diablo |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2008 : 04:46:39
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Thanks Seadog. Loved that one.
Diablo: Lately I have been having the same experience. Oh well, only a few more weeks of working nights and then I will be moving to days permanently. It is a more flexible schedule, which will allow for Ray's appointments. And less stressful, (working r&d instead of production)
Right now, I am so tired I am not even proof reading. Congrats on the house Diablo. May you soon have it livable and be enjoying it. Have a Soda toast to long life in the house for me.
Pharmacymom |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2008 : 05:15:28
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Pmom May you find R&D challenging and stimulating. Hoping you find the transition from nocturnal to normal circadian rhythm and easy adjustment. Hubby worked 3rd for nearly 20 years and thanks to exercise of his seniority in January, he too is now on days. There is alot more time for projects around the house, bike riding, campfires, dinner out etc. May you find total enjoyment in your new Hi-Lo camping experience. If you ever wish to haul it out here, we have electric and water lol.
I've seen photographs of Diablo's house and it is magnificent....can't wait to see it in full bloom and know he has alot of hard work ahead of him. 20 years ago we would have taken on this task with zest and vigor. Good luck and keep us posted ok? Don't try to do it all in one day It will be there when you awaken lol.
Seadog "dumber than buffalo" is cute
H48 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2008 : 04:53:29
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Jan: We have the tow vehicle too. Bought that yesterday after signing my life away for the next five years. A dodge dakota quad cab 4x4 that rides really nice. And the bank said I got a really good deal on both the trade and the truck.
As for working nights, I have only been doing it for ten years, but I also then only worked 4 days instead of 5. So now I am going to work five days a week, but only 8 hours a day. The 12's I worked are killers as yo get older.
Maybe we will be out someday. Right now, I need to get some experience towing before I make that distance. I have driven motorhomes before but this is a different experience.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2008 : 18:29:39
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2008 : 19:19:49
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| Boy Fuzzy, you are full of them and all funny. |
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