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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
 Posted - 05/10/2008 : 08:27:27
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I really needed the chuckle Fuzzy. My daughter is in a state hospital in assisted living, so it really fit. And with what is going on with hubby now, it lifted my spirits.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 17:58:50
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After retiring, John went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said' 'Unbutton your shirt.'
So he opened my shirt revealing curly silver hair. She said 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me', and she processed his Social Security application.
When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants... you might have gotten disability, too.'
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xhi
Advanced Member
14279 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 20:56:42
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Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Iowa.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through
May, you live in Iowa.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and
they don't work there, you live in Iowa.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you
live in Iowa.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Iowa.
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of DES MOINES for
the weekend, you live in Iowa.
If you measure distance in squares of farm land, you live
in Iowa.
If you know several people who have hit a cow more than
once, you live in Iowa.
If you have gone from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and
back again, you live in Iowa.
If you can drive 70 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Iowa.
If you install security lights on your house and garage,
but leave both unlocked, you live in Iowa.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows
how to use them, you live in Iowa.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
snowsuit, you live in Iowa.
If the I-80 speed limit is 70 mph -- you're going 90 and
everybody is passing you, you live in Iowa.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled with snow, you live in Iowa.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
winter and road construction, you live in Iowa.
If you have more hours on your lawn mower, and snow blower
than miles on your car, you live in Iowa.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in
Iowa.
I resemble those remarks!
Xhi
Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2008 : 02:59:36
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The only one I disagree with is the jumper cables. I have had a pair in every car I have owned since I started driving and never lived in Iowa. And my hubby was not the one to put them in there.
And by the way I love Jeff Foxworthy. My favorite is the one he does on drunk driving. And tied with it is the electric meter one (Turn something off!!!)
Pharmacymom |
Edited by - pharmacymom on 05/13/2008 03:01:13 |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2008 : 17:29:39
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A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here is something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what
she came home with!"
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2008 : 18:33:18
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Thanks for the chuckle Fuzzy. I have really appreciated them the last few days. Hubby in the hospital and all.
Pharmacymom |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2008 : 19:40:00
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Fuzzy they are great jokes!!!! I love the Ralph/Edna posting as well as "Diploma." Chuckle Chuckle....wish I had a package of those right now...loved those sugary gel candies  I too carry jumper cables in every vehicle we own and have never lived in Iowa, though I did help my SIL bring back her late mother's things from Des Moines area several years back. We had a fine time exploring The Bridges of Madison County.
H48 |
Edited by - H48 on 05/13/2008 19:44:10 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 03:31:11
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Thanks again for the chuckle Fuzzy. Really enjoyed it.
Pharmacymom |
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Fuzzy317
Junior Member
173 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 06:01:52
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Here is another until after the weekend:
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce."
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6301 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 07:34:04
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Oh boy, will he be going broke with child support. Thanks for the laugh. Have a good weekend Fuzzy.
I just got the update on Ray's ct (the official read) and they want him to see an oncologist and have an mri done of the pancreas. Not what we wanted to hear. He still has fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look good either as there may be a nodual in the lungs as well as the abdomen.
So I called to leave a message for the attending that they want Dr. Harley brought in.
Waiting to hear back.
Pharmacymom |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 10:05:30
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quote:
I just got the update on Ray's ct (the official read) and they want him to see an oncologist and have an mri done of the pancreas. Not what we wanted to hear. He still has fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look good either as there may be a nodual in the lungs as well as the abdomen.
Please hold on Pmom as we all count on you. God still performs miracles and I've been witness of that this very week and I expect the same for you and your hubby. Jeremiah 29:11, (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." HUGS
H48 |
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Diablo
Senior Member
1709 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 10:59:43
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quote:
Originally posted by heroness48
quote:
I just got the update on Ray's ct (the official read) and they want him to see an oncologist and have an mri done of the pancreas. Not what we wanted to hear. He still has fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look good either as there may be a nodual in the lungs as well as the abdomen.
Please hold on Pmom as we all count on you. God still performs miracles and I've been witness of that this very week and I expect the same for you and your hubby. Jeremiah 29:11, (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." HUGS
H48
In this case I hope my prayers are more important than my advice.
Those you have.
Diablo |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 11:14:56
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Pharmacymom... I know the anguish you must be going through and my thoughts and prayers are definitely with you.  Renae |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 11:30:28
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Diablo your prayers are invaluable as is your advice  SO many of KK members currently have overwhelming health issues. It is comforting knowing that this network here is inclusive of not only tech support but emotionally uplifting encouragement as well. Hang in there ALL OF YOU!
Heroness |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 12:50:17
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Pharmacymom... Hang in there, lots of prayers coming your way for Ray and you.
Picaninny |
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