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Snowball
Senior Member
2686 Posts |
 Posted - 03/09/2008 : 10:32:34
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This one is cold, but I nearly fell out the chair laughing. A friend of mine sent it to me...
After 30 years of marriage, this couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly he stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"
"I found the remote," he mumbled.
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2008 : 13:15:21
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That's funny, Snowball. That's the only way my husband can find the remote sometimes - he is vision impaired.
Pharmacymom |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2008 : 15:58:18
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SOOOOO the moral of this story is, Ladies--let's all toss those remotes!!!! LMAO!!! That is hysterical Snowball 
Pmom thanks for your concerns--they did not go unnoticed 
H48 |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2008 : 20:44:14
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2008 : 21:21:22
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Snowball.. That was funny
Picaninny |
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fip100
Junior Member
412 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2008 : 04:32:16
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Tehehehe 
Very funny!!!
I am still smiling (smirking).  |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2008 : 05:59:17
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You are welcome H48... let me know if you need advocacy advice. I've had a lot of training dealing with my daughter. It works no matter what area you are dealing with. The basics are all the same.
Pharmacymom |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2008 : 10:22:39
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A follow up to Snowballs joke, for all you ladies.
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WOMEN'S REVENGE
Cashier: "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "But my husband is always searching for the darn thing, and he refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Seadog |
Edited by - Seadog on 03/10/2008 17:47:38 |
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Picaninny
Intermediate Member
1186 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2008 : 19:29:28
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Seadog...
Picaninny |
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JOdah
Starting Member
12 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2008 : 02:29:10
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quote:
Originally posted by Fabrat
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
your bedpan.
Fabrat you left out one of the most important ones, perhaps the most important one.
Too swiftly and to all intents and purposes stop a nose bleed at speed; merely apply a simple tunicate, at the nearest main artery. To avoid the nose bleed in the first place don't say things like that to her.
LIFLALED 
JOdah
Life is FUN, LIVE a little each day 
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/12/2008 : 15:25:42
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"Sam do you take thee Sally to be your lawfully wedded wife, To love and cherish, to honor and obey, Through sickness and through health. "Til death do you part" (Or words to that effect.)
Sam must have forgotten.
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Sent to a local Newspapaper and posted on a Internet Message board.
From: Sam.
To: All my Fishing buddies.
Subj: Our aging Housewives.
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some women are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Sam. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Sally. It all started when I retired a few years ago, it became necessary to make ends meet for Sally to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working though, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from fishing about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the lodge so eating out for dinner too is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table or in the sink for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, guys, you know we take 'em for better or worse, right, So, I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch the bill paying out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I however, remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a Saint in the way I support Sally. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use "a little more tact" and less criticism of your aging wife because of reading this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,
Sam
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Sam died suddenly, since this article first appeared in this newspaper last month, of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Zebco fishing reel, a Shimano fishing rod and a tackle box jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of the fishing rod showing and there was a sledge hammer nearby.
His wife Sally was arrested and charged with murder.
The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Sam somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his fishing gear.
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/12/2008 : 15:32:53
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Addendum to the above post:
Sally must have forgotten the "For better or for worse" part.
Seadog |
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infohound
Senior Member
3912 Posts |
Posted - 03/12/2008 : 20:29:04
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| YEP, Sam should have definitely looked more closely before sitting down, seeing as how HE was so adamant about Sally's "Less than quality housekeeping" and all. I am sure "Saint Sam" will be sorely missed. Very good Seadog. |
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fip100
Junior Member
412 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 04:26:57
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I can relate to that story. When my father retired, he told my mother that she had been vacuuming incorrectly for all those years. She said it could be his job from that day on. Well, he bought a $1200 cannister vacuum. It was used in the house for about a month and then was used in the garage as a very expensive shop-vac! Still sitting in the garage gathering dust.
ps My father has been gone for 8 years, but my mother had nothing to do with it. |
Edited by - fip100 on 03/13/2008 04:28:45 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 07:45:04
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I must admit, I am the wage earner in this family. My husband is disabled. He does the dishes (he actually is THE dishwasher as we haven't had one in 21 years.) He does the vacuuming (we only paid 200 dollars for our Kenmore canister vac and it stays in the house).
He even cooks our dinner.
But then he is home all day while I am out keeping the roof over our heads, the clothes on our backs, the food on the table and gas for the furnace. It is all in how the men are trained.
My son also vacuums, cooks, does his laundry, and mows the lawn. I raised him to share the housework.
Pharmacymom |
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