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Swani
Intermediate Member
1490 Posts |
 Posted - 04/08/2007 : 20:24:24
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| that's funny |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2007 : 14:23:19
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A man in scruffy clothing walks into a church one Sunday and sits in the third row. People begin to take notice and begin complaining to the pastor about his appearance.
The pastor talks to him and says, "I want you to have a long talk with God and ask Him what would He have you ware before you walk into this church."
Next week the man is back dressed the same way. The pastor scolds, "I thought I told you to ask God what to ware before you come in here!"
The man replies, "I did. He said He's never been here before!" |
Edited by - *user deleted* on 04/22/2007 14:24:00 |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2007 : 13:35:08
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quote:
Originally posted by momndadmc1
What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
now THAT is funny!
Heroness48 |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2007 : 13:39:25
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quote:
Originally posted by Swani
I use to watch it all the time. I can still picture it in my mind. If you happen to see the DVD, Snowball, post that you found it.
I too was an afficionado of Laugh-In. Overstock.com has a 2 DVD set too to $29.62
Look Here
Heroness48 |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2007 : 15:23:29
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A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.
She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long."
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You have two ears and one mouth,
So talk half the time and listen twice as much. |
Edited by - Seadog on 05/03/2007 15:33:16 |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2007 : 17:20:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Seadog
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.
She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long."
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You have two ears and one mouth,
So talk half the time and listen twice as much.
Good one Seadog!
Pharmacymom |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2007 : 19:50:31
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A joke from Neil Boortz.
It's Hillary Clinton's first night as President. George Washington appears and she asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
George says, "Never tell a lie."
"Oh! I can't do that."
Thomas Jefferson appears and again she asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
Thomas says, "Listen to the people."
"Oh my. I don't think I can do that."
Abraham Lincoln appears, and again she asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
Abe says, "Go to the theater." |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 13:16:08
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The pastor stands up in front of the congregation and says, "The first one who volunteers to donate $1000.00 will get to pick the next 3 hymns."
A little old lady in the back stood up and said, "I'll do it!"
The pastor said, "Go ahead and pick your 3 hymns."
She said, "I'll take him and him and him!" |
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xhi
Advanced Member
14328 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 15:22:58
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After the first three days of a long field excercise the troops assembled all hot and sweaty. The First Sergeant stood before them and announced, "Men, I have some good news and some bad news."
"The good news is your are all getting a change of underware."
Over the cheers of the assembled troops he shouted, "At Ease. At Ease." The troops quieted.
"Now for the bad news," said the First Sergeant, "Jones, you change with Smith. Reily you change with Wilson...."
Xhi
“Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas” |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 18:22:42
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quote:
Originally posted by xhi
After the first three days of a long field excercise the troops assembled all hot and sweaty. The First Sergeant stood before them and announced, "Men, I have some good news and some bad news."
"The good news is your are all getting a change of underware."
Over the cheers of the assembled troops he shouted, "At Ease. At Ease." The troops quieted.
"Now for the bad news," said the First Sergeant, "Jones, you change with Smith. Reily you change with Wilson...."
Xhi
“Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas”
Well... he did say "change" of underware. He didn't say anything about clean! |
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H48
Senior Member
3841 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 08:18:14
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| EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 09:47:38
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This is for all the senior people, The women may change the word 'man' to 'woman' and 'women' to 'man' If you so desire.
Picture this:
An old man is being examinded by his Doctor.
The man is stooped over from arthritis, is bald, over weight, can't hear or see very good, and has many scars and discoloration from skin cancer removal.
The Doctor: "Hmmmmmm."
The Man: "What do you mean Hmmmmmmmmmm?"
The Doctor: "Do you remember me telling you years ago if you lived a clean, healthy life, exercised daily, quit smoking, drinking and chasing women you could add twenty years to your life."
The Man: "Yes, I took your advise."
The Doctor: "Well, These are them."
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Edited by - Seadog on 05/05/2007 09:55:44 |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 20:14:35
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Doctor calls his male patient on the phone.
Doctor: Mr. Johnson?
Johnson: Yes?
Doctor: I have some bad news, and really bad news.
Johnson: What's the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is you only have 24 hrs to live.
Johnson: Then what's the really bad news?
Doctor: The really bad news is, I've tried to call you yesterday!
Mr. Johnson drops to the floor. |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2007 : 07:22:42
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Quote, Snowball:
"Doctor calls his male patient on the phone."
-----------------------------------------------
That is a good followup.
Seadog
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xhi
Advanced Member
14328 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2007 : 11:55:48
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Those last three gave me such a chuckle that I had to read them to the chefkat even though she is engrossed in her weekly NASAR race. Very few things come between the chefkat and her NASCAR.
It only bleeds for a little while...
Xhi
“Never start vast projects with half-vast ideas” |
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