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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
 Posted - 03/28/2007 : 20:27:58
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Hey Chris! I am old enough to remember the Who's on First. I like yours better. I was laughing all the way through. It sounded like my computer illiterate husband.
Thanks for the good laugh.
Pharmacymom |
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2007 : 21:00:50
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pharmacymom,
I'm old enough that I can't remember who sent it to me.
Chris |
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pharmacymom
Advanced Member
6303 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2007 : 05:36:28
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Chris, You mean you have what my mother-in-law called senior moments? I get them too from time to time. And the reason my husband is computer illiterate is because he has a hereditary form of macular degeneration and even with the accessibility features turned on for low vision, he still can't see the screen.
Pharmacymom |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2007 : 07:21:44
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Chris, Sure is a coincidence that I recently went to Baseball Alamanac web page and downloaded the original "Who's on First" and printed several copies for relatives and friends.
I plan on doing the same with this one. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Seadog |
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2007 : 07:49:41
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pharmacymom,
I know that you and your husband are having a tough time with his macular degeneration. My father and mother in law had it before they passed away. It was so sad because they could barely see anything. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. And yes, I have frequent moments of CRS.
Seadog,
Got another one that Johnny Carson and Jack Webb did on a different subject. Will post it as soon as I can get it typed. (it was sent to me as a video)
Chris
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2007 : 08:57:46
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You have to remember the TV Series "Dragnet" and Jack Webb (Joe Friday) and The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson to appreciate this. It was sent to me as a video and it loses some of the humor when you can't see the actors.
Friday: This is the City, Los Angeles, California; some people rob for pleasure, some because it’s there, you never know, my name’s Friday, I’m a cop. I was working the day watch out of robbery when I got a call from the Acme School Bell Company. There had been a robbery.
Carson: There’s been a robbery.
Friday: Yes sir, what was it?
Carson: My Clappers.
Friday: Your Clappers?
Carson: Yea, you know those things inside a bell that makes them clang.
Friday: The clangers.
Carson: That’s right; we call them clappers in the business.
Friday: A clapper caper.
Carson: What’s that?
Friday: Nothing sir, now can I have the facts? What kind of clappers were stolen on this caper?
Carson: They were copper clappers.
Friday: And where were they kept?
Carson: In the closet.
Friday: You have any ideas who might have taken the copper clappers from the closet?
Carson: Well just one, I fired a man and he swore he’d get even.
Friday: What was his name?
Carson: Claude Cooper.
Friday: You think Claude Cooper stole your copper clappers then?
Carson: That’s right, I think Claude Cooper copped my copper clappers, kept in a closet.
Friday: You know where this Claude Cooper is from?
Carson: Yea, Cleveland.
Friday: That figures, that figures.
Carson: What makes it worse is that they were clean.
Friday: Clean copper clappers?
Carson: That’s right.
Friday: Why do you think Cleveland’s Claude Cooper would cop your clean copper clappers kept in your closet?
Carson: Only one reason.
Friday: What’s that?
Carson: He’s a kleptomaniac.
Friday: Who first discovered the copper clappers were copped?
Carson: My cleaning woman, Clara Clifford.
Friday: That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here. Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from Cleveland, now is that about it?
Carson: One other thing.
Friday: What’s that?
Carson: If I ever catch kleptomaniac Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my clean copper clappers kept in a closet.
Friday: Yes.
Carson: I’ll clobber him!
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Edited by - dadmc1 on 03/29/2007 09:21:06 |
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morgoth
Intermediate Member
864 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2007 : 09:22:37
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quote:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
have not laughed so hard all week.
thanks.
and the pipe spec, that's a rework of what I used to have hard copy of, but it was a good guffaw too.
long hole, steel or plastic stuff centered around the hole.....
must work now. |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2007 : 15:18:41
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| One of these days, I'm gonna own that Carson DVD set! |
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*user deleted*
Intermediate Member
1417 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2007 : 09:48:29
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Here's a joke that Kim told a long time ago. I'm posting it here for those newbies that may not have caught it in a news letter.
A string walks into a bar. The bar tender yells at him, "Hey! We don't allow strings in here!"
The string dismayed and thirsty contorts himself and walks back in. The bar tender doesn't recognize him from before and asks him, "Hey, are you a string?"
The string replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot!" |
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Uriah
Senior Member
3604 Posts |
Posted - 04/03/2007 : 20:24:01
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As many of you may already know I am currently cleaning up (& out) my parent's house for sale. I found this little story today that I am sure my stepfather received as an email. And, though it is not a joke, I think it is worth repeating.
Mouse Story
A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer & his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?" the mouse wondered. He was devastated when he saw it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse announced, "There's a mousetrap in the house! There's a mousetrap in the house!"
The hen scratched the ground, raised her head & clucked, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but, it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse scurried to the pig & told him, "There's a mousetrap in the house! There's a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig had been napping in its mud wallow but opened one eye & looked lazily at the mouse. "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse ran to the cow & said, "There's a mousetrap in the house! There's a mousetrap in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow! Mr. Mouse! I'm sorry for you but, it's no skin off my snout."
The mouse returned to the farmhouse, dejected. He was going to have to deal with the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night the loud "Snap!" of the mousetrap was heard in the farmhouse.
The farmer's wife ran to see what had triggered the trap. In the darkness she could not see that it was a venomous snake's tail caught in the trap. The snake struck at the farmer's wife & sank its fangs into her leg, injecting all of its poison.
The farmer's wife screamed! The farmer came running into the kitchen & saw the snake, its fangs buried in his wife's leg. The farmer picked up a sharp knife & cut off the snake's head. He then helped his wife to the old pickup truck & drove her to the hospital.
The doctors treated the woman's wounds & told the farmer to take her home to rest.
The farmer's wife developed a fever. The farmer knew how to treat a fever: chicken soup. He grabbed his hatchet & went to the barnyard to prepare the main ingredient.
The chicken soup did not cure his wife's fever. Friends & family came to sit with the ill woman. To feed his unexpected guests the farmer butchered the pig.
Alas, even with the help of friends & family, the farmer's wife succumbed to the snake's poison & died.
The farmer & his wife had lots of friends & they all came for her funeral. The farmer had to slaughter the cow to feed them all.
The mouse had watched from the crack in the wall. His friends, the hen, the pig & the cow were all gone! The mouse was very, very sad.
The next time you hear someone is facing a problem & you think it doesn't concern you, remember: When one of us is threatened, we are all threatened!
Each day holds the potential to learn something new!
Uriah |
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Seadog
Intermediate Member
1078 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 17:18:45
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This one is for URIAH as a departing shot for him.
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I Must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.
'Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First Question: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers' Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... ''Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure, 'Forrest replied,'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?' 'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
____________________________________________________________________
This is for Linda (LLZKC) for starting this thread.
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.
ANON
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 17:40:12
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Seadog,
That's a good one!
Chris |
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Uriah
Senior Member
3604 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 18:19:14
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"Run, Uriah, run!"
Who said Forrest Gump was not the sharpest hook in the tackle box?
Thank you, Seadog.
The digital world is not round!
Uriah |
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2007 : 16:49:57
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What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
It's been nice gnawing you. |
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dadmc1
Senior Member
2512 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2007 : 16:59:22
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What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line. |
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